Day 39: True Beauty Challenge Results

It is the last few days of Lent and I can honestly say I have begun to seen a great deal of growth in myself.  I have been able to wear less and less mascara each day and it has been such a freeing feeling.  I no longer feel the need to go back to my dorm to “powder my nose” or touch up my eye shadow. 

At the beginning of Lent I was discouraged that I was not ready to go cold turkey on makeup.  So like I do with a lot of my issues I confided in my brother about it. He told me that by wearing less could benefit me just as much or maybe even more because when Lent is over I will not go back to wearing too much makeup but rather I would have learned that I do not need as much to feel beautiful.  And I think he is totally right.  I have been able to realize that less is definitely more. 

This growth I am experiencing has definitely not been easy and it has definitely been a process.  I have been faced with situations where I simply wanted to give up but beautiful things have definitely come from my struggles. 

Over spring break I was so blessed to go on a mission trip in Panama City Beach, Florida.  This city is a huge spring break spot for college students all across the country.  Myself along with 17 other Franciscan students did beach, bar and street ministry.  We went there to love people and let them know that they are worth more and deserve more than the lifestyle they are living.  The whole experience was very eye opening.  The thing that probably sadden me the most though was the absence of true masculinity and true femininity. 

 These college students were preparing for this week for months.  The men were buff, bronzed, bro tanked, and seeking a good time.  And the women were toned, tanned, waxed and seeking love.  As a woman it was hard not to compare myself to the other women on the beach and in the bars.   This made it especially hard to focus on the prize, which was to plant the seed of salvation in every heart we encountered. These beautiful women were given attention while I was frequently served a cup of rejection.  It was tough to talk to a guy who I knew was only half-heartedly listening to me but knowing five minutes prior he was paying full attention to a beautiful woman who was willing to give him more than a good conversation.  At these times of desolation though is when the Lord did beautiful things in me. 

So many times I wanted to give up on not wearing makeup and look like the rest of the women I saw.  I wanted to feel beautiful.  But in these moments I had to realize these thoughts were from Satan and I had to feed myself truth statements that were of God.  Through this I realized that I am not alone and these women have struggles of their very own.  While I was wishing for their looks, they were longing for the joy and peace the Lord gives me, which was so rare to see down on the beaches and in the bars.  The Lord needed me to rid myself of my insecurities so I could love His children fully and when I realized this, my insecurities became obsolete and my mission in life became so much more than looking like the people around me.  This realization gave me the ability to empty and forget myself and give more to the women and also to the men.

Sometimes the Lord needs to give you times of desolation so you can realize you cannot do anything without Him and because of that you are willing to put your trust totally in Him.  During this Lent you probably experienced times of desolation but know that there is great power in our struggles.  Whether you think you changed or not throughout Lent, know that what happened was necessary in order for your individual heart to grow.  Rejoice in your successes but also in your struggles.  Trust that the Lord has His hand in your life and is leading you on the path to Him.

Lay your successes, failures, struggles, and growth of this Lent at the foot of the cross and then rise with the Lord this Sunday!

 

Happy happy Triduum!

 In Him,

Olivia

Day 37: No Mirrors

Last Friday I went to the stations of the cross on campus. As we were praying the usual prayers, one line stuck out to me more than any of the others. It said,

“I love Thee, my beloved Jesus;
I love Thee more than myself;
I repent with my whole heart of having offended Thee.”

Wow. Well that was like a dagger to my heart. Now on a normal day, I would have thought nothing of this. To say that I loved God more than myself was something I could easily do. I mean, it’s obviously true, right?

WRONG.

I sat there and reflected on all of the ways in which I love myself more than God. It was definitely fresh in my mind because that day I was wallowing in self-pity about how Lent was almost over and I had failed at literally every promise that I had made. I realized that every time I had intentionally looked in the mirror, I was loving myself more than I was loving God. Not because he cared so much that I was looking in the mirror, as there is nothing intrinsically wrong there, but that I was choosing myself over that which I had sacrificed in his honor.

BUT THERE’S HOPE.

Yes, I failed at everything that I had intended for this Lent. But it seems that when we try to make our own plans for anything (but especially Lent), the Lord reminds us that he knows the lessons we need to learn, and we will learn them in His time. For me, it was to recognize that the Lord loves me so much not for what I do or don’t do, but for who I am. He loves me because I am His daughter, and He created me. This past week he has gifted me with one of the most intense encounters I have ever had with His mercy. He has taught me that no matter how many times I fail him, it’s not about me. It’s about Him. And isn’t that our focus for Lent anyway? It is not to focus on ourselves, but to meditate on the fact that he suffered and died out of love for us. His death was a manifestation of the Father’s mercy.

His death proves that love conquers all.


In Him,
Clarissa

Charm School

Hello beautiful ladies!

As you may have noticed, we took a break from blogging to allow for our wonderful adventures over spring break! Now that we are back and getting into the swing of things, we will continue our Lenten challenges on Wednesday. As for now, there are some words of wisdom waiting for us on a blog I stumbled upon today that I think are very applicable to our lives! Here is the snippet that got me hooked, and will hopefully do the same for you!

"When I was younger I felt as if I was being pulled between the “Girl Power” mentality and the supposed “Make me a sandwich” mentality. I know that I hated it when my brothers teased me by saying that I should “Shut up, and know [my] role,” but I also seethed with contempt when some said to me “You go, girl!” while saucily snapping their fingers (clearly, I am a child of the nineties). None of those ideals seemed to work for me. None of these theories were enough. Being a woman had to be more than just being blindly submissive or just being intolerably proud. Both theories seemed either self-deprecating or selfish."


So check it out here!

To Jesus through Mary,
Clarissa

Day 22: Skirt Challenge

Last time you heard from me I was in great dismay over having to wear a skirt every day. While I still finding it frustrating from time to time (it’s just so much quicker and easier to throw on a pair of pants and a shirt!), I am definitely seeing the fruit of this challenge.

In my previous blog I told you all that I just felt prettier and more feminine in a dress. Since then I have been asking myself “why?” Why is it that I feel more girly? Why do I feel prettier? Is it simply the fact that only women wear dresses (generally speaking) that I feel like I’m really displaying my femininity? I even wear a nightgown to bed right now (normally in winter I wear pants to bed) just to really push myself to fully embrace this challenge (perhaps I’ve gone too far…ha). I remember when I got this nightgown last summer – it was the first one I had ever owned – and I wrote to my mother:

“Dear Mom, Thanks for buying me a ridiculously cute nightgown! I love it. I'm finally turning into a real girl!
Love, Ashley.”

What does that even mean?! Why would I think that? I felt like a “real” girl in a nightgown instead of pants or shorts?

I’ve even been observing other women and their dress as I think about this. How do I see a woman wearing a dress verses seeing a woman in pants? Do I view them differently? And if so, why is that?

Ponder. Ponder. Ponder.

It was during one of my Theology of the Body classes that I finally came to the answer. It hit me and the world turned sunshiney and rainbowy and birds were chirping in the cool winter air, and a light shone down from heaven and God said “this is my beloved daughter, with whom I have revealed the answer to her question…!”

Ok so it didn’t really happen that way.

I really was in class though, and as I sat there I realized that the reason I like wearing a dress and feel more ladylike in one is that it is an outward manifestation of an inward reality.

I was left with that thought over the weekend. What was this inward reality? What does being a woman mean, and how is that displayed in wearing a dress?

I was at a mall this weekend looking around and observing all the clothes in the stores when part of the answer came to me. I thought to myself, gosh, I just love clothes. Did Adam and Eve realize that it would come to this? Did they realize when they sinned that we would take the thing that hides our shame and make it into a way of expressing ourselves?

I mean think about it, Adam and Eve fall and hide themselves with some leaves. Now we still cover those same body parts. But in that covering of our bodies, we express something through the items we choose. We express our dignity and worth. We express what we perceive our value to be. We outwardly express an inward reality of our own self-perception. If we think that a certain part of our body is really great, we generally pick clothes that flatter that part of our body. We show it off. Because we find worth in that part of us. We want people to notice it.

This is where I’ve been finding the dress challenge hard. I love wearing some of the dresses I own, but some of them are just barely too short, or have an immodest cut (and usually shows off my legs, which I can tell you are a part of me I really like). Generally, I’ll throw on leggings and think it’ll be good (i.e. more modest). But someone recently told me that that really doesn’t make wearing the dress ok. I have an especially hard time grasping this concept. Probably because of our culture and the fact that wearing leggings with a dress seems so much better than wearing a t-shirt and leggings… and also because I’ve always received compliments about my little leggies, and I like that. I recognize that I have to be careful with this, and that that part of me does not define me. But it’s hard, because I find that I often really think that displaying this one part of me in a more flattering way shows worth.

NOT SO!

Shouldn’t we love our entire body, not just parts of it? And if we think those parts are valuable, should we really flash them around for everyone to see? If you had an expensive piece of jewelry you wouldn’t go showing it off and throwing it around in everyone’s face all the time, right? It’s valuable and has great worth, so you keep it nice and only bring it out on special occasions, and when you do bring it out, you are very, very careful with it, and you don’t let everyone hold it and touch it. You keep it to yourself and guard and protect it.

This is what we must do with our own bodies! Especially in the way we dress, as it expresses what we perceive our value to be. I want the wonderful qualities of womanhood that I possess to be perceived in me through my dress, rather than the qualities of just my flesh. We’re body and soul. I want people to recognize the dignity of both in me. I know that this can, and should, be seen in my actions, but one of the biggest actions I perform every day is choosing my outfit. Shouldn’t that action contribute to displaying how I see myself as a woman?

This skirt challenge has really pushed me to find ways to express myself in the way I wear a dress modestly. I’m not gonna lie, I still find myself falling into the “it’s-ok-with-leggings” trap. I’m working on it though. I am much more aware of it and try really hard to avoid doing it. I am asking myself how I can wear a dress appropriately and still express Ashley in it. How do I see myself? I see beauty, dignity, worth, and value. I want to see that displayed in my clothing choices. And I want to see a lady, dang it!

Since she’s the most perfect and beautiful woman of all time, I really, really, really want others to see Momma Mary in me (I totally want to be just like her). So for the past few days I’ve been asking myself how do I express Mary in this challenge? (Maybe I should start asking myself what would Mary do when I get dressed in the morning…)

Then I came across this little gem: Edith Stein says "The soul of a woman must therefore be expansive and open to all human beings; it must be quiet so that no small weak flame will be extinguished by stormy winds; warm so as not to benumb fragile buds; clear, so that no vermin will settle in dark corners and recesses; self-contained, so that no invasions from without can imperil the inner life; empty of itself, in order that extraneous life may have room in it; finally, mistress of itself and also of its body, so that the entire person is readily at the disposal of every call. This is an ideal image of the gestalt of the feminine soul." 

Ahhhh Mary has all of these qualities! And so should all women! For the rest of Lent I am going to contemplate how I can apply this to my dress wearing. How is Mary all of those things? How do I model her and be all of those things? How do I express my inward femininity, particularly as Edith Stein describes it, in my outward appearance?

Spoiler Alert: I am pretty sure that I will find the answer in Christ. JPII says that men and women bring out the true masculinity and femininity in each other through their complementarities of one another. But Christ complements ALL of us! So he can truly aid us in finding authentic femininity (or masculinity if you’re a dude who stumbled upon this blog). He’s already proved that he thinks that I am valuable and have dignity. He has already given his life for me. That in and of itself should help me grow in understanding of my self-worth as a woman!

That’s how much worth God thinks you and I have. So much that the Creator of the Universe, the one who IS Life and Love, who is all powerful and good, gave his life for you. He humbled himself to come to earth and allowed his own creation, whom he loves unconditionally, to take his life, in exchange for our beautiful, worthy, dignified souls.

I’m off to show off his love for me in my dress. Until next time…!

In Christ,

Ashley

Day 20: TBC and Chick Flicks

The other morning I woke up exhausted.  I didn't feel like getting ready at all!  I told myself that I had given up make up for lent, so I could just dress down, and if anyone said anything, I would use my Lenten sacrifice as an excuse.  As I got up and started getting my school bag together though, this scripture passage came to mind:

“And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you." - Mt. 6:16-18  

The point of fasting or giving up something is not to let everyone know that you are fasting, the point is to develop virtue through your sacrifice. Most times, when we put on make-up, it is to receive worldly praise.  We get comments from people when we wear make-up, and we get comments from people when we don't wear make-up. These comments can warp our goal when applying make-up. Instead of wearing it to draw attention to ourselves and our own egos, we should wear it to draw attention to the beauty that God created; the way He created it.  We need to let go of this world and cling to the Heavenly.

The virtue that I feel fits into this and that I am growing in is universal mortification.  This means, seeking the benefits of Heaven and the glory of God, and relinquishing the glories of the world. It means recognizing the empty and frivolous essence of the promises of the world, and giving those up to attain fruitful and eternal promises of God. In reference to our image, the world promises us recognition about external and material things: what your body looks like, how well you dress, how you do your hair, etc.

But what is important is your soul!

Instead of focusing on the latest trend, the perfect weight, or the newest material possession, let’s focus on gaining virtue, increasing knowledge, and frequenting prayer and the sacraments.

I also feel that I am growing in true humility.  Fulton Sheen sees humility as accepting the truth about yourself. This means, not only do we grow in humility through humiliations, when we recognize our flaws and weaknesses, but we grow in humility when we are able to accept compliments.

Accepting compliments is something a lot of girls struggle with, I know I do, but Fulton Sheen says "The proud man counts his newspaper clippings, the humble man his blessings." It is important to recognize and be thankful for the blessings that God has created and given to us! Mary is the perfect example of this! When Elizabeth greets Mary saying "Blessed are you among women" Mary doesn't deny her, she responds with "My soul magnifies the Lord"!! If a friend compliments you, thank her! She is only recognizing the beauty that God has created!

After thinking all of this over, I got dressed, put on my foundation and mascara, and went to class. I felt good, I felt natural, I felt beautiful. My attitude changed and I was more productive that day than I would have been had I been lazy. On top of all of that, I even received a compliment from a friend on how naturally beautiful I was, not on how good my makeup looked. It was a compliment I could honestly say "praise God" to.   

Now. Chick flicks. 

This Lent I am also giving up sentimentally charged media.  At first it didn't seem so hard, but one Sunday, to support a friend going through a rough time, we took her out to see Safe Haven, the new Nicholas Sparks movie. Let me tell you, I came home a wreck! I was so emotionally unstable and distraught after just one movie! This never used to happen to me, and the only thing I could come up with is that after watching so much sentimental media, we become numb to the effects these movies have on us. They shape our mindsets, and we are completely unaware to the garbage and lies being exposed to us.

Not that all of these movies are bad! Trust me, I am a complete sucker for chick flicks, but I think we need to be aware of how erroneously they can present love and relationships and how they can set us up to have false expectations in our own relationships.  We need to be careful, know ourselves, and use prudence when viewing chick flicks.

When we expose ourselves to movies and media that are so emotionally and sentimentally charged, we begin to undermine our intellect. When God created Adam and Eve, He created them with perfect balance and integration of intellect and will, of reason and emotion.  They had integrity. Humanity lost this through original sin, and we continue to lose it through our sins, through letting our emotions get the better of us and our reason.

We also lose a sense of what real romance is. Think of the ways that most relationships progress in movies. Boy meets girl. Then there's the "are we friends" dilemma, but how is it that resolved? They give in to lust and sleep with each other. Now it's time for the first date! And then it ends! There is no portrayal of continuing the relationship. Rarely is there a marriage at the end of a movie, and even if there is, there is rarely any look into the difficulties of marriage. It is idealized that every problem magically goes away. We get these ideals that we will always get the guy we like after a little struggle, and then we get together and live happily ever after and problem free. 

Reality is very rarely like this. There is constant struggle, constant work. We don't always get what we want, no matter how hard we try, because we are not the writers of our own story, God is.  And He knows that it is with the struggle that virtue comes.

We cannot control everything. Sometimes we don't get certain things we desire here on earth, because we need to remember to remain unattached to the world and cling to Christ, our only true love. The purpose of love and marriage on earth is to reflect Christ's love for us on a physical level. It should never be placed higher than His perfect love. Our relationship with Christ should be the most important thing to us. It is pure, it is holy, it is eternal. Love is not a short term thing. 

Compare "movie love" to the way Christ pursues us. He woos us! He protects us! He dies for us! Each of us is pursued individually by Christ in a way completely unique to us. We each desire different things in being pursued, and Christ fulfills those in all of us. Most movies only show one way of pursuing. It is one couple. It shows the way one specific guy pursues one specific woman, and rarely does it vary. What does that tell us as women? We are all the same. We are all pursued the same way, and we just have to respond to those actions instead of holding out for those true desires we have.  We begin to crave the romance that we see in movies. We watch these movies, and we start wanting them to sleep together, because we don't know how else to view romance, and we start wanting that for ourselves. We stop recognizing true romance.  We stop seeing Christ as our lover, we stop noticing the ways our brothers serve us, and we start desiring the wrong kinds of attention.

Instead, we should focus on the unique ways that Christ pursues us individually. What ways does God show His love for you? When you begin to see the way Christ uniquely pursues you, you will begin to see how a man should pursue you, but you will also begin to stop worrying about whether a man is pursuing you, because you have the only One you need to fulfill every desire. There is no more wanting if you would only recognize Christ! 

I know this is really long, but one last short video to sum up and show how we get so caught up in the world, and sometimes fail to see Christ pursuing us. If we could just detach a little bit from what the world is telling us about ourselves and about love we might just see Christ waiting to rescue us.

Praying for all of you,

Carrie