Truth: You are not defined by what you do

Ladies,

How often do you find yourself responding to the question, “how are you?” with an answer something like this: “I’m great, I’ve gotten so much done today!” or “I’m having a really bad day, I haven’t crossed anything off my list today,”?

I wouldn’t be surprised if at first glance you can’t remember having said either of these things, but my guess is that you probably do, you just don’t realize it. I know I say things like that all the time, and usually I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

We have grown up as part of the multitasking generation; we have been expected to be doing a handful of different things all at once, and doing them well. On an average day you can find me eating lunch, reading for class, and facebook chatting, all at the same time.

Those simple responses: “I’m great, I’ve gotten so much done today!” or “I’m having a really bad day, I haven’t crossed anything off my list today,” reveal something that blew my mind the first time I realized it. They reveal that we, the women of the 21^st century, are defining ourselves by what we do. You know what’s really crazy about that? That’s how men define themselves. Men tend to define themselves by what they do, while women tend to define themselves by their relationships. We have been so conformed by our society, which holds up productivity and usefulness as ideals to which we should aspire, that we women have taken on the male tendency of defining ourselves by our productivity.

I propose that we become counter-cultural in the way we define ourselves. I think the first step is to try to be more aware of how we are defining ourselves. Since I first learned about this I’ve been a lot more aware of how I answer the question “how are you.” I’m also more aware of how other women answer it. My housemates and I have started calling each other out on it, saying, “You are not defined by what you do!”

The next step is probably the hardest; ironically, it’s learning how to just be. I think the best place to do this is the chapel in front of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Sit down, or kneel, or however you’re most comfortable, make “eye contact” with Jesus and just be with Him. Don’t read, don’t journal; don’t even worry about what to pray, just be. I’d like to challenge you to give this a try. Try starting with even just a few minutes. I promise you won’t regret it.