Monday, August 20, 2012

Happy Sunday!

Greetings readers!

I wish I could come to you with an intelligent and witty introduction blog, but that would be putting forth a view of myself that I simply am not going to be able to live up to. So I hope you will accept my humble introduction. My name is Clarissa Quiring and I am going to be the student coordinator of FUS Women's Ministry for the 2012-2013 school year. I'm a senior Theology major (yes, JUST theology-arguably because I'm lazy and I don't know what I want to do with my life) and I hail from the great state of Arizona. I don't really have many qualifications that make me particularly suited for this position, other than that I am a woman and I love talking about how great we, as women, truly are. So trust me when I say that every step I take in this new role of mine will be one alongside all of you, learning what exactly it means to be a woman of God in this chaotic and extremely misguided culture of ours. So be patient with me, as sometimes my heart and my mind are a little messy and my grammar is not always spot on.

One of the things that I have always struggled with (as I'm sure many of you have as well) is self-image. I never saw myself as beautiful as a teenager, so naturally when others would comment on my beauty or the way I looked I would quickly dismiss their compliment with a negation of "no, I'm too fat to be beautiful" or "thank you but I disagree." It took me many years to even recognize that this was hurtful to myself and to others, not to mention that it continually hurts God. He took so much care into creating me exactly as I am, and I have the capacity to continually hurt him by degrading his beautiful creation. Wow. When I realized the fullness of what I had been doing to myself for so many years, it was easy to say I was going to change. That I was going to see myself for what I truly am, a beautiful daughter of the most high King. But sometimes I still catch myself doubting, although not necessarily in the same way I used to. It's much more subtle now. I find myself thinking "oh, I would be more beautiful if I knew what I wanted in life" or "I could reveal beauty to others more fully if I was more composed and less crazy." I'd like to think I'm not the only one who has these thoughts. But the truth is that we have to renounce these lies. 

One thing that the Lord has really brought to my heart is to begin learning more about beauty. Since it's been such a struggle in my own spiritual journey to believe that I am truly beautiful, what better a way to combat the lies than to delve deeper into the meaning of beauty? What does it mean to be beautiful? How do we gauge the beauty of something? Something that really got me thinking about beauty was, naturally, a book about beauty. I haven't read much of it yet, but so far it's absolutely phenomenal. It's called The Evidential Power of Beauty: Science and Theology Meet by Fr. Thomas Dubay. I've been informed that it's on the reading list for a Catechetics class, and it's also offered in the Franciscan bookstore. I encourage you to buy it and give it a read! Literally within the first chapter he confirmed something that I had felt for years, but could never put my finger on. He says this:
"Though worldly pleasure seeking never fulfills and satisfies in a continuing way, it may tend momentarily to distract and to dull the profound pain of the inner void. If these people allow themselves a moment of reflective silence, they notice a still, small voice whispering, 'Is this all there is?' They begin to sense a thirst to love with abandon, without limit, without end, without lingering aftertastes of bitterness. In other words, their inner spirit is clamoring, even if confusedly, for unending beauty." 

Of course, that unending beauty being Love itself. How powerful that statement is! It really hit my heart to realize for years I'd been trying to "dull the profound pain of the inner void" by ignoring the source. I'd been trying for so long to be beautiful by the world's standards that I neglected to realize that my heart wasn't made for this fallen world. This beauty that I noticed around me existed for a reason; the beauty existed to woo my heart. To pull me out of the darkness and into the light. And when the Lord revealed this to me, he also helped me to realize that I was more beautiful than anything else he created. Everything I see as being so beautiful in nature-the trees, the rivers, the canyons, the sunsets, the rain-he created me more beautifully than all of that! He created us, as women, to be the crowning glory of creation! To reveal His beauty more perfectly than anything else he created....EVER. So every time that I look out at a beautiful sunset over a lake in admiration, I remind myself that my beauty is more powerful than that. My beauty has the power to bring people back to His heart. The feminine heart was created to reveal beauty to the world so that they would further seek Divine Love. As women, we should be using our beauty not to lead people to sin, but to lead them to Christ. So for me, this knowledge makes it easier to realize that the world and I have very different ideas of what beauty is. I know that when the world says you need to be skinny, pretty, have shiny hair, be funny, and wear super cute clothes to be beautiful, that it isn't beauty. Beauty is resting in the arms of the Father, and leading others to do the same.


-Clarissa





No comments:

Post a Comment