Saying "Thank You" this Christmas: the Art of the Handwritten Note

Christmas Day is quickly approaching and hopefully we’ve all been preparing for its arrival in various capacities. As Catholics, the Church gives us the whole season of Advent as a time of very specific preparation for the coming of Christ, and this is great. After all, Christ’s Incarnation is a tremendous gift to us and we need to be preparing to receive Him with gratitude into our hearts and giving God thanks as a result. (A hint: this is why it’s so important to go to mass at Christmas. In the mass we celebrate the Eucharist which literally means “thanksgiving” and we are thanking God specifically for His presence in our lives)

But the point of this blog post is not to help you prepare to thank God for the gift of Christ in your life. No, this blog post is a bit more secular (but no less important) because it’s intention is to help you prepare for receiving and giving thanks for all of the other gifts you’ll be receiving at this time of year. This is because practicing receptivity and gratitude with one another helps us practice receptivity and gratitude with God.

Just like it’s important to pray to specifically thank God for the gifts He has given us, it is also important to do something else to specifically thank others for the gifts they give us: write thank-you notes.

Now I realize that handwritten thank-you notes (and handwritten notes in general) are considered a bit of a “lost art” these days, but the truth of the matter is that even if writing thank-you notes isn’t done, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done. It should.

Margaret Shepherd in her book The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication says that, “when you have been given a gift, a handwritten note is the only way to communicate your feelings of…gratitude. You don’t have to do more than send your words on paper, but you must not do less. You deserve that black cloud over your head when you don’t write, because your silence has made someone think you don’t care.”

Those words may seem a bit harsh, but compare it to neglecting to thank God in prayer: He still knows that you love Him and are thankful for the blessings He has given you, but the fact that He knows you are grateful does not excuse you from expressing your gratitude to Him in prayer. It’s the same with thank-you notes. Yes, Aunt Marge may know that you are thankful for the new catechism she bought you, but you still need to express your thanks in a handwritten letter too which you either hand-deliver or send in the mail.

All of this being said, it can sometimes be intimidating to even think about sending out thank-you notes to everyone who will give you a gift this Christmas, but just like we have time to prepare for Christ’s coming, we still have time to prepare for the writing of thank-you notes. To help you with the process I’ve included some tips below, some from the experts and a few I have learned myself over the years that makes the process easier and dare-I-say-it, even enjoyable.

Prep Early

You know Christmas is coming. You know you’ll be getting gifts (maybe you already have). This also means that you know you will be writing thank-you notes. Do yourself a favor and prepare for this now! Before Christmas even arrives treat yourself to some nice stationary or thank-you cards. You don’t need to spend a million dollars but if you find some nice paper and buy a “special” pen for the occasion you might actually look forward to writing thank-you notes.

Handwrite Your Notes

This should go without saying, but thank-you notes should be handwritten, in ink, by you. Not typed. Not scratched out with a pencil. Not filled into a blank space. Buy stationary paper or thank-you cards that arecompletely blank on the inside. Why is this important? Margaret Shepherd says, “A handwritten note is like dining by candlelight instead of flicking on the lights, like making a gift instead of ordering a product, like taking a walk instead of driving.” A handwritten note has heightened appeal, it’s unique, it can be treasured for a lifetime, it is virus-free, and it offers your attention without immediately demanding theirs. In short, it shows you care about the person who cared enough about you to give you a gift.

Don’t Make Excuses

There are a million excuses for not writing a thank-you note, but none of them are good ones. Here are a few common examples and truths you can use to fight them:

“I’m too Busy” — The truth is that everyone is busy. One of my household sisters shared a reflection this past semester about the Widow’s Mite in which she said that the widow is more admirable in the eyes of Jesus because unlike the others she gave from her poverty, not her excess. What we often lack most in our world is time, so when we give of our time, it is one of the greatest gifts we can give. The person who gave us a gift gave us more than a gift, they gave us their time as well. We can give them five minutes to thank them for it.

“My Handwriting is Terrible” — Almost everyone can find fault in their own handwriting, but that’s probably because it’s your own. The person receiving your letter probably won’t think twice about it because they are not as critical as you are of yourself. In addition, they will probably be so overjoyed to receive a handwritten letter that they will excuse a lot. My brother has some of the most difficult handwriting to read that I have ever come across, but I will struggle through reading it because handwritten notes from him are a rare and precious gift.

“I Don’t Know What to Say” — That’s OK. “Thank you” is a good place to start, and if you keep reading there will be a few more specific pointers to help you out.

“I Already Thanked Them in Person” — Good. Nice people thank people when they get gifts from them, but you still need to send a handwritten note. Margaret Shepherd says, “A verbal thank-you can get lost in the chaos of the occasion. A note lets the giver know for sure that you really appreciate their efforts…If you open twenty presents in front of twenty friends, each person has received only five percent of your attention. With a handwritten thank-you note, each person will feel one hundred five percent thanked and a few of them will be one hundred percent pleasantly surprised.”

Don’t Delay

This is the thing I have found most helpful over the years when it comes to writing thank-you notes. The prompter you are in writing your thank-you notes, the easier it is. I try and write them the same day that I receive a gift. It’s the easiest way. This is why it’s so important to have the necessary supplies before you ever unwrap a gift. The longer you put it off, the more it will hang over your head, the bigger the task will seem, and the guiltier you will feel. Thanking people should never be a penance. If you go to a Christmas party and get a gift, write the thank-you note for it as soon as you get home (including putting it in an envelope and addressing it). I have a rule that I don’t un-box a gift or put it away until I’ve written a thank-you note.

Follow This Simple Formula

Write the date — This is something I often forget, but it’s so wonderful when you look back at an old letter or card you’ve received and it’s dated. It makes it more real because it anchors the note to a specific moment in time that a person was thinking specifically about you.

Salutation — This is simple: “Dear Grandma” or “Dear Janie” is usually just fine. When in doubt, address someone as you would address them in person (You typically don’t use your friend’s first and last name when you greet them so you don’t need to include their last name in your salutation)

Opening — Express your sincere thanks in a short and concise sentence. Be sure to mention the specific gift they gave you (I.e. “You were so nice to give me Scott Hahn’s newest book” NOT “Thanks for the gift”)

Talk About It — Follow your statement of thanks with a brief sentence talking about how you have used or will use the gift. Or mention your love of this specific item. (I.e. “I know I will enjoy reading this book as Scott Hahn is one of my favorite authors”)

Windup Phrase — With a thank-you note this is usually something like “Thank you again” but it can also be something like “I hope to see you soon” or “I will be praying for you this Christmas season.”

Closing — Picking the right valediction requires a bit of prudence to know what’s appropriate for the person you are righting to. “Sincerely” is more formal. “Fondly”, “Yours” and “Love” are for those you have a closer relationship with. I’m a fan of “In Christ” but this could cause unnecessary tension if sent to a non-believer, so use your best judgment.

Signature — It’s your name, simple enough. Usually your first name is sufficient for those you are close to, but a more formal relationship (like the one with your boss) may require your first and last name.

Find The Joy

I said it earlier but expressing your gratitude in a thank-you note should not be a penitential action. While you should send thank-you notes, and the rules of common decency require it, do not view it as an obligation. Margaret Shepherd says, “Expressing gratitude is not an obligation; in fact, it is one of the most intense pleasures you can have.”

This may seem like a selfish motivation, but writing thank-you notes will make you feel good because you know it’s the right thing to do. There’s also something wonderful about filling a blank white card with the love you have for another person in your own words and in your own handwriting. It just feels so personal, like a gift of yourself to another person in appreciation for the gift they have given you.

So start preparing now, while it’s still Advent, to have a heart ready to receive and be thankful this Christmas season. Buy a couple of cards, write a few kind words of gratitude in them after you unwrap the present, and seal the envelope (maybe with a kiss!) I challenge you to this small act of love this Christmas season. Who knows, you might really brighten someone’s day.

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Alyssa is a Junior studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.

Interior Shack

At mass a couple Sundays ago I was struck (distracted?) by the massive Nativity Scene that had been set up in Christ the King Chapel. It wasn’t the Nativity Scene itself that distracted me, of course, but my own wandering mind. You see, lately I’ve been seriously struggling in my spiritual life. Prayer (when I do it) is dry and seemingly fruitless, full of distraction and wandering thoughts. The prayer lives of everyone else around me seem so much better in comparison and I’m self-conscious that they’re going to discover my secret and judge me for it.

I feel like I can relate really well to the Israelites wandering around in the desert, wanting what their neighbors had and feeling self-conscious because they didn’t have it, falling into sin and repenting, only to fall back into sin again. That has been my frustration lately as bad habits and little sins that I thought I had snuffed out have crept back into my life which has caused me to be full of self-doubt and anxious as I struggle to remember my identity as a chosen and cherished daughter of the Father. As a result, I've resorted to grasping at any bit of power or control I come across which means I’ve insisted that nothing is wrong with me and I’ve been obstinate, rude, self-centered, and angry towards others.

And the worst part about it is that, just like the Israelites, I have no excuse. I know how I’m supposed to act (I too know the 10 Commandments and have “prophetic” friends who call me out when I mess up) so I know I’m wrong when I do these things but I still do them anyway and can’t seem to shake the lies I’m believing about myself. Quite simply, I’m frustrated with myself for having fallen into the same old sins that I always fall into because shouldn’t I know better by now? And knowing what it is that I keep doing wrong, shouldn’t I be able to fix it?

It feels as though my “interior castle” (in the words of St. Teresa of Avila) has become more of a shack: a hollow, dilapidated structure that is barely standing and that has cracks in the walls that allow the cold wind to whip through. And no matter what I do, I can’t seem to make my interior shack back into a castle. Heck, I can’t even repair the holes in the walls!

Just like with the Israelites, there’s an emptiness on the inside. Something is missing, and I can’t do anything about it.

What is it that is missing? Jesus.

The Israelites had the 10 Commandments and the prophets. They knew what to do and what not to do. They knew all of these things, but they still couldn’t “fix” or save themselves. For that, they needed Jesus.

That’s why Jesus had to come and save them. That’s why he had to become a little baby at Christmas. That’s what we are preparing for during Advent: our Savior.

And here’s the good news: Jesus wasn’t born in a castle. Jesus was born in a stable. Jesus was born in a shack. Just like the Nativity Scene in Christ the King shows, that stable was shabby and hollow and had holes in the walls where the wind could blow through. He wasn’t born at a nice, warm, attractive inn because “there was no room at the inn.”

So as I looked at that Nativity Scene I realized that this Advent the Lord has been preparing my heart (even if I haven’t done anything to prepare it myself). He did this by hollowing me out, by letting me experience what life is like without Christ, what it was like for the Israelites to struggle and fall over and over and over again. He has let me experience that struggle and that fall to remind me that I need Him to come and to awaken in my soul a deep longing for His coming like the Israelites longed for the coming of their Savior.

And like the Jewish people I still miss it sometimes. I fail to see how Christ is present in my life and acknowledge His divinity. But that’s OK because He comes anyway. Jesus Christ, my Savior, is coming at Christmas, and there’s nothing I can do to stop Him.

The only question that remains for me is whether or not I’m going to turn Him away by saying there’s no room at the inn, or if I’m going to offer Him the shabbiness of my hollow inner heart and allow Him to be born there. I pray that I would have the humility to let Jesus Christ, my God and my Savior into my broken, hurting heart and I pray that you would do the same.

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Alyssa is a Junior studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.

“The Lord of hosts is with us: the God of Jacob is our stronghold.” (Ps 46:4)

Happy Gaudete Sunday!  This third Sunday of Advent the Church invites us to rejoice with her as we continue to approach the celebration of God coming among us.  The celebration of the Liturgy is a bit more festive, and children everywhere rejoice as we finally get to light the pink candle on the Advent wreath! 

As I was reflecting on the beautiful Scriptures for today, I was struck by a simple theme: God is with us.  I know that by this time in Advent the phrase has become so familiar that we (or at least I) have a temptation to gloss over it.  But I think that would be a mistake.  Because as I reflected further, I was also struck by what the Scriptures do not tell us in union with that line: nowhere connected with this promise of the Lord being with us is the promise that all our troubles will be erased, or that difficult situations will be eradicated, or that what we found difficult yesterday will be made easy today.  We are simply told, “He is with us.” 

Twice in today’s first reading for Mass we are reminded to sing joyfully and fear not, because “the Lord is in your midst.” 

He tells us that He has removed the judgment against us…He has taken it upon Himself. 

He tells us to not fear misfortune and not to be discouraged.  Why?  Because He is with us.  The misfortunes will still persist, this side of heaven, and yet we are still called to rejoice.  Because He is with us. 

I know that sometimes I fall victim to thinking that once I really entrust everything to the Lord, and trust Him with all my heart, the external situations, especially the difficult, ones, will change.   But Christ never promises that to us – yet He does promise to be with us, and that makes all the difference.  Oftentimes it is these very situations – the ones I wish were different or that the Lord would take away – that the Lord uses to keep me close to Him, aware of the earth-shattering reality that He is Emmanuel…God-with-us. 

This truth of Him being with us brought me to another place in Scripture where we hear this uttered: a town of Galilee called Nazareth, where we meet a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David.  The angel says to Mary, “Hail, favored one!  The Lord is with you.”  In this encounter, Mary is also reminded of the singular presence of God with her, and invited to make a gift of herself to Him in a way that no other human has or will.  She is invited to rejoice in the Lord’s presence with her, and to invite Him in to dwell even more intimately within her very womb.  As she makes this act of trust and abandonment, she does not know all the answers, or how everything will turn out.  She is not promised that all her troubles will go away, that everyone will understand her, and that life will be easy.  But she is told to rejoice at the Lord’s presence with her, and as she makes this gift of self to her Lord, He comes to dwell with her…and because of this, He now dwells with each and every one of us. 

As we reflect on Christ’s presence with us, we have two options as to how we respond.  We can respond in a similar manner to Peter’s initial reaction at the overwhelming presence of Christ’s mercy, and in pride want Him to leave us to do it ourselves: “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”  I know that many times this is my response: in my prideful presumption of self-sufficiency, I want to solve my problems myself, and run away from the uncomfortable and humbling experience of having to accept help from the Lord, or from other people.  However, as I know from repeated experience, this does not end well.  But the Lord is relentless in His love, and promises that He will not go away; He pursues us more passionately than we can ever pursue Him. 

As we embark upon this second half of Advent, may our response to Emmanuel, God-with-us, be that of the free, total, faithful, and fruitful response of our Lady, who knew that all she had was gift: “He has looked with favor upon his handmaid’s lowliness…The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is His name.” She knew and rejoiced in her littleness! 

Come, Lord Jesus, and be with us in our littleness, in our brokenness, and in those situations that are difficult and less than ideal.  Into those very places, come with your strong and healing presence, and may we have the courage to rejoice that you are with us there.  May we rest in the truth of your promise that you rejoice over us with gladness, renew us in your love, and sing joyfully over us as a Bridegroom rejoices in His bride.  

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Sr. Anna Rose is our fearless leader here at Women's Ministry. She graduated from Franciscan with a degree in History and Theology before entering the Franciscan Sisters TOR of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother. She's in her second year of temporary vows, and her story can be found here. Sr. Anna Rose leads our Women's Ministry team with such patience and love. If you see her around campus, be sure to give her a big hug! And as always, please pray for her.

10 Tips for Surviving Finals Week

Well, ladies, finals week is among us once again. In honor of this long-dreaded (am I exaggerating? Maybe.) occasion, I thought I'd write up a little post on 10 tricks I've found over the last three and a half years to help survive the week, in no particular order.

10. Take some time to exercise, even if it's only 10 minutes.

You may feel like you don't have the time to spare, but make it. Studies show that exercise reduces stress and improves your ability to focus and study. Certain surveys have even shown that exercising tends to be more effective at reducing stress than taking a break from studying to troll the internet or watch TV.

9. Eat more veggies and protein.

I'm probably the worst offender when it comes to eating junk during finals week, but I've found from personal experience that when I eat more starches and less veggies, I'm exhausted. There's nothing wrong with carbs, but maybe instead of having that pasta for lunch, you should have a salad with some protein on it, especially if you want your afternoon to be productive.

8. Prioritize.

Make a list. Seriously. Do it. It helps. Write down everything that you need to get accomplished in order of how badly it needs to be accomplished. Or, better yet, break it up. On Monday, I need to accomplish these three things. On Tuesday, I need to accomplish these three things. When you finish something, cross it off. There's nothing quite as satisfying as crossing things off a to-do list. If you finish all you need to get done for the day and you still have more study time, move on to working on the items on tomorrow's list.

7. Break up your studying.

Set timers. Work in 20 minute increments and take a 5 minute break. Do this 5 times and you've already done over two hours of studying! Then take an even longer break--go for a run, have coffee with a friend, read old posts on the women's ministry blog (ahahah), or spend some quality time with Jesus in the chapel.

6. Don't pull an all-nighter.

Experts say that it's much more effective to sleep before an exam than it is to cram all night. Try to get a solid 4-5 hours of sleep if nothing else, but I recommend doing whatever works best for your body. One of my best friends can survive on 4 hours of sleep every night for a week. I can't--I need a solid 6 or 7 in order to function. Know yourself well enough to know how far you can push your limits--and don't take a chance on crossing those lines before a huge final.

5. Make time for prayer and the sacraments.

You're going to find a million and one reasons to put off prayer and skip daily mass (my vocation is to be a student, right?), but don't. If there's one thing I've learned from going through finals week 6 times, it's that I can't do it without grace. Every time I think that I don't have the time to spare and I do it anyway, the Lord in His infinite faithfulness always multiplies my time so that I can get everything done. Take some time to just sit with Him, ladies. It'll de-stress you like nothing else.

4. Set aside some time for fun.

This is going to be the last time that you'll be on campus with all those people you love for a while--if you're going to Austria or graduating, this is even more important. Yes, we are here to be students, but studying is not the only part of our lives that matter. Have a coffee date with that friend you've been too busy to catch up with. Get off campus if you can. Watch a movie or have a dance party with the girls on your wing (unless it's exam hours). All work and no play does not make for an A (yes, that poetry was intentional...and bad).

3. Do something nice for someone else.

During finals, I tend to be very self-centered. I focus so much on my stress, my anxiety, my work, my problems that I'm not aware of the people around me and the ways that they're stressing out. I also tend to complain far more during finals than any other time (which believe me is saying something). If you catch yourself doing that, try to stop. Be positive. Bring your friend locked away in the library a candy bar or a cookie from the pub. Ask your friends how they're doing and if there's anything you can do to lighten their stress. It helps to stop focusing on yourself.

2. Skip the coffee.

You may think I'm crazy for saying that, but I'm serious. Try drinking tea. It has caffeine but doesn't make you crash the way coffee does. Drink water and Gatorade. If you feel yourself getting drowsy, snack on something salty (pretzels always do the trick for me). 

1. Remember that there are more important things than your GPA.

Grades are important, but they're not the most important thing in the world. When I was a freshman, one of my professors told me something that has stuck with me ever since: "Catie, you are more than a number. You're more than the grade you get on my test." The same holds true for you. There's only so much you can do. Give finals all you've got, and be okay with the outcome. In 5 years, the grade you got on that math final won't matter.

You got this, ladies. Know of my prayers for you this week.

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Catie Destatte is a senior Theology and Catechetics major. She has a passion for writing, Mama Mary, ministry to women, and evangelization. Her life motto is Totus Tuus Maria, and she tries to live that out in her every moment. Along with being a member of Women's Ministry Core Team, she's involved in Capture My Heart Core Team, Liturgy Committee, and Totus Tuus Maria Household. Her five great loves are JPII, St. Peter, tea, praise and worship music, and the ocean. Along with Shannon, one of Catie's roles in Women's Ministry is to run this blog. You can find out more about her here.

A Note to Single Catholic Women about the Tragedy of Our Generation

This blog post goes out to all those single Catholic women who are striving for sainthood, practicing chastity, reading Theology of the Body, and waiting for the right guy (or just any guy really) to come along and pursue your heart. Yes, you’re single, and yes, you’re a little bitter about it. You’ve definitely spent a conversation or two complaining to your closest female friends about how all the Catholic men must be blind because there’s no other explanation for why there are so many beautiful, funny, smart, and holy women that have never once been asked out by a man! And, I regret to admit, we tend to view this entire situation in which we find ourselves to be a tragedy.

But I read something this summer that challenged this perception I had of myself as some tragic heroine alone and suffering because the corrupt culture has made all the good men too cowardly to pursue women’s hearts. Gertrude von le Fort in her book “The Eternal Woman” says that, “Our period sees the unmarried woman…as something tragic” and I think that statement rings true with many unmarried Catholic women. But to give some context to what von le Fort is saying one has to realize that she is writing after World War I during which almost an entire generation of young men died in battle, leaving a large number of young women unable to get married, though they might have wanted to.

But von le Fort disagrees with the belief that this generation of unmarried women was something “tragic.” She says that “The one whom we negatively call the unmarried woman is in a positive sense the virgin.” Now, a statement like that needs a bit more explanation to pull out the full meaning of what she’s trying to say. She is saying, essentially, that when we refer to single women as “single” or “unmarried” we are defining them negatively by what they lack (i.e. a husband). A fuller understanding of who these women really are comes only when we define them positively not by what they lack but by what they have, and this is their virginity.

Now I recognize that in our culture today it seems problematic to claim that all unmarried women are virgins because not all unmarried women are virgins in a physical sense. But it’s important to remember how Sacred Scripture defines virginity. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “The virgin is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs.” The difference between a virgin and a married woman to St. Paul is not some physical condition but a spiritual one. The virgin is anxious about the affairs of the Lord in a way that a married woman is not.

What do we learn from this? Mainly that all single women are called to embrace their identity as virgins and this is possible even if they have already “lost their virginity” because of how the Lord defines virginity spiritually.

But back to Gertrude von le Fort. She claims that the unmarried woman is not tragic precisely because she is a virgin. So what’s the big deal about being a virgin? Well, von le Fort says, “From dogma, history, saga, and art, the idea of virginity emerges, not as a condition or a tragedy, but as a value and power.” Christianity proclaims the value of virginity by placing the title “Virgin” next to the title of “Mother” in Mary’s name. Mary’s perpetual virginity along with her being the Mother of God are both protected and cherished dogmas of our faith. But even pre-Christian people understood the inherent dignity and value of virgins by upholding virginal goddesses like Athena, Diana, or Minerva or saying that it was only a virgin (or her spilt blood) that could break curses and avert magical spells away from an entire people.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that has completely eliminated the profound reverence that once existed for the virgin. Now, to be a virgin is seen as a horrible condition that one must throw away at the soonest possible moment. In a culture that additionally has eliminated the reverence it once had for motherhood, women are the clear losers, for their inherent dignity is not recognized in either state of life.

While our faith has done a good job of exalting motherhood (as is should) in response to this culture of death, we can sometimes exalt being a wife and mother to the point that not being those things (i.e. being an unmarried woman) is somehow viewed as “tragic.” And thus, the phenomenon of a generation of single Catholic women that views their situation to be a tragic one.

But here’s the real truth: The tragedy of our age is not a generation of single Catholic women. In fact, virginity is the vocation of EVERY woman. This virginal vocation isn’t changed or negated when a woman gets married, but rather fulfilled. Likewise, if a woman enters religious life her virginal vocation becomes a consecrated one. But to think that you are somehow “vocation-less”, even temporarily, if you are not married or a consecrated religious is simply not true. We don’t just sit around and hope that one day God will hit us on the head with our vocation; we have a vocation (or call) right now, and as single women that vocation is a virginal one.

Gertrude von le Fort is adamant that virginity is not a temporary condition lacking fulfillment but is “complete” within itself. She says that “the Church affirms that the virgin is as one destined to be a bride, but she does not see her only at the side of a man.” Even though “expectant bride” is one aspect of virginity, it is not her full significance. More significantly the virgin, as she stands alone “like the solitary flower of the mountains, far up at the fringe of eternal snows, that has never been looked upon by the eye of man”, reveals the “ultimate value of the individual as such, a value not justified by mere human qualities.”

Von le fort continues, “The virgin proclaims that the creature has significance, but only as a glow from the eternal radiance of the Creator. [She] stands at the margin of the mysteries of all that is apparently wasted and unfulfilled…she stands at the brink of all that has seemingly failed. Her inviolability, which, if it be purity, always includes a depth of pain, denotes the sacrifice that is the price for the insight into the immortal value of the person. This explains why the liturgy always places the virgin beside the martyr, who bears witness to the absolute value of the soul.”

But here it is important to make a clear distinction: the virgin is exalted with the martyr because both proclaim the “ultimate value of the individual as such.”  But we must remember that martyrs are not tragic figures even though they suffer greatly. Likewise, the virgin is also not a tragic figure, though her very existence will always include the “depth of pain” von le Fort mentions. Thus, while the virgin herself may not be a tragic figure she stands on the “margins” and “brink” of tragedy. She witnesses the tragedy and suffers the depth of pain in her heart, but it is never her virginity that is tragic.

What, then, is the tragedy?

I believe that the true tragedy of our age is not a multitude of single Catholic women but rather a generation of spiritually dead "Catholic" men. 

Now, I am speaking in broad generalities here. It would be ignorant (and a bit bitter) to claim that there are no good young men striving for holiness that are willing to ask women out (even though it may sometimes feel this way!). But, on the whole, we are experiencing an age where men are leaving the Church in droves, and the vast majority of those that remain are only engaged minimally (for more information and statistics supporting these claims please check out The New EMANgelization website found here). Now, I don’t know about you, but these are not the types of men that the typical novena-saying, TOB-reading, and chastely-living woman typically finds attractive. Not to mention, this woman is typically not viewed as being very attractive (at least by a worldly standard) to the average minimally engaged “Catholic” man. And herein lies the tragedy.

After WWI the tragedy for Gertrude von le Fort was not that a generation of women would have to remain unmarried virgins; it was that a generation of men had perished on the field of battle. This was the true tragedy. 

Yes, as a single Catholic woman I often feel deep within my heart the loss of a generation of true men. But the question I must ask myself is "For whose sake am I feeling this loss? For my own or for these men?" 

Because in a tragedy, it is not those left standing onstage at the end of a play that are considered "tragic"; it is those who have perished during the play, either due to circumstance or their own misguided actions. Likewise, the tragic characters of our generation are the men, and as the survivors left standing we should be struck by how unnecessary and truly tragic their spiritual death has been. 

So I implore you, pray for this generation of men and offer up your sufferings for them. The Catholic Church has always taught that our prayers for the dead are efficacious. So too are our prayers for the "spiritually dead." 

And here's the other thing about being a Christian: tragic stories are always given "comedic" ends. In a plot twist that no one saw coming, a Man who had suffered a terrible death and lain in a tomb for three days burst forth to new life. Just as in comedy, the story ends with a joyful wedding and celebratory feast, with the Divine Bridegroom wedding his human Church and offering his own Flesh to be the food at the table. 

Just because there is a tragic generation of spiritually dead men doesn't mean that this is how the story ends. The dead can come back to life through the divine power, love, and mercy of God. 

Think of the example of Lazarus. Jesus raised this dead man back to life. But remind yourself why. It was because Martha ran eagerly out to Jesus to beg for his intervention. She knew that if anyone could raise Lazarus from the dead it was Christ, not herself. And yet, even though the power was from God, it was begged for by a human woman. And God heard the cry of the grieving woman, wept himself for the tragic loss she brought before Him, and answered her prayer. 

Ladies, this is what we are to do. I have heard St. Martha described as a patroness of Hope because of how she responded to the tragic death of Lazarus. Like her, we too are called to be women of Hope even when facing the tragedy of the spiritual death of our generation of men. You, as a woman, cannot save them; but God can, and he wants you to beg him to do so with sweat and tears and eager longings. 

God told St. Catherine of Siena that her tears and eager desire for the salvation of souls could bind Him like a chain. This is the power God gives us as women. Use it! The Enemy wants you to take the pain and loss you feel in your heart and wallow in your own self-pity, becoming consumed in a view of yourself as a tragic figure. Don't allow the Evil One to have this power over you! Rather, have pity on your brothers and bring the tragedy of their spiritual death before God with eager desires for their conversion and resurrection. God has promised to have mercy on the human race despite its sin and imperfection. Remind Him of his promise. Do you want to be women of strength and power? Embrace the strength and power God has given you! He has given us strength to suffer and power to petition Him. So accept your sufferings and lay them at his feet, petitioning Him for the salvation you wish your brothers to have. 

St. Catherine was the quintessential "single Catholic woman", unmarried yet not a religious. Did she wallow in self-pity at the "tragedy" of her virginity? No! She had souls to save, recognizing that the true tragedy of her age was a generation of spiritually dead priests, bishops, cardinals and popes. So she prayed, and fasted, and offered her sufferings to God for their sake. And you know what? He listened to her and answered her prayers. Men condemned to die for the grave crimes they had committed converted at the last hour and entered the Kingdom of Heaven because of her witness and prayer. Be that woman like St. Catherine. 

I said earlier that the blood of a virgin was believed by the pagans to be powerful enough to save an entire civilization. Likewise, the sufferings of the Catholic virgin also have the power to save her entire generation when she brings her petitions to the Lord and unites her sufferings with the sufferings of Christ on the cross. 

Having told you this I end with only one question: What are you waiting for?

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Alyssa is a Junior studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.