This blog post goes out
to all those single Catholic women who are striving for sainthood, practicing
chastity, reading Theology of the Body, and waiting for the right guy (or just
any guy really) to come along and pursue your heart. Yes, you’re single, and
yes, you’re a little bitter about it. You’ve definitely spent a conversation or
two complaining to your closest female friends about how all the Catholic men
must be blind because there’s no other explanation for why there are so many
beautiful, funny, smart, and holy women that have never once been asked out by
a man! And, I regret to admit, we tend to view this entire situation in which
we find ourselves to be a tragedy.
But I read something this
summer that challenged this perception I had of myself as some tragic heroine
alone and suffering because the corrupt culture has made all the good men too
cowardly to pursue women’s hearts. Gertrude von le Fort in her book “The Eternal
Woman” says that, “Our period sees the unmarried woman…as something tragic” and
I think that statement rings true with many unmarried Catholic women. But to
give some context to what von le Fort is saying one has to realize that she is
writing after World War I during which almost an entire generation of young men
died in battle, leaving a large number of young women unable to get married,
though they might have wanted to.
But von le Fort disagrees
with the belief that this generation of unmarried women was something “tragic.”
She says that “The one whom we negatively call the unmarried woman is in a
positive sense the virgin.” Now, a statement like that needs a bit more
explanation to pull out the full meaning of what she’s trying to say. She is saying,
essentially, that when we refer to single women as “single” or “unmarried” we
are defining them negatively by what
they lack (i.e. a husband). A fuller understanding of who these
women really are comes only when we define them positively not by what they lack but by what they have, and this is their virginity.
Now I recognize that in
our culture today it seems problematic to claim that all unmarried women are
virgins because not all unmarried women are virgins in a physical sense. But
it’s important to remember how Sacred Scripture defines virginity. 1
Corinthians 7:34 says, “The virgin is anxious about the affairs of the Lord,
how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about
worldly affairs.” The difference between a virgin and a married woman to St.
Paul is not some physical condition but a spiritual
one. The virgin is anxious about the affairs of the Lord in a way that a
married woman is not.
What do we learn from
this? Mainly that all single women are called to embrace their identity as
virgins and this is possible even if they have already “lost their virginity”
because of how the Lord defines virginity spiritually.
But back to Gertrude von
le Fort. She claims that the unmarried woman is not tragic precisely because she
is a virgin. So what’s the big deal about being a virgin? Well, von le Fort
says, “From dogma, history, saga, and art, the idea of virginity emerges, not
as a condition or a tragedy, but as a value and power.” Christianity
proclaims the value of virginity by placing the title “Virgin” next to the
title of “Mother” in Mary’s name. Mary’s perpetual virginity along with her being
the Mother of God are both protected and cherished dogmas of our faith. But
even pre-Christian people understood the inherent dignity and value of virgins
by upholding virginal goddesses like Athena, Diana, or Minerva or saying that
it was only a virgin (or her spilt blood) that could break curses and avert
magical spells away from an entire people.
Unfortunately, we live in
a world that has completely eliminated the profound reverence that once existed
for the virgin. Now, to be a virgin is seen as a horrible condition that one
must throw away at the soonest possible moment. In a culture that additionally
has eliminated the reverence it once had for motherhood, women are the clear
losers, for their inherent dignity is not recognized in either state of life.
While our faith has done
a good job of exalting motherhood (as is should) in response to this culture of
death, we can sometimes exalt being a wife and mother to the point that not
being those things (i.e. being an unmarried woman) is somehow viewed as
“tragic.” And thus, the phenomenon of a generation of single Catholic women that
views their situation to be a tragic one.
But here’s the real
truth: The tragedy of our age is not a generation of single Catholic women. In
fact, virginity is the vocation of EVERY woman. This virginal vocation isn’t
changed or negated when a woman gets married, but rather fulfilled. Likewise,
if a woman enters religious life her virginal vocation becomes a consecrated
one. But to think that you are somehow “vocation-less”, even temporarily, if
you are not married or a consecrated religious is simply not true. We don’t just
sit around and hope that one day God will hit us on the head with our vocation;
we have a vocation (or call) right now, and as single women that vocation is a
virginal one.
Gertrude von le Fort is
adamant that virginity is not a temporary condition lacking fulfillment but is
“complete” within itself. She says that “the Church affirms that the virgin is
as one destined to be a bride, but she does not see her only at the side of a
man.” Even though “expectant bride” is one aspect of virginity, it is not her
full significance. More significantly the virgin, as she stands alone “like the
solitary flower of the mountains, far up at the fringe of eternal snows, that
has never been looked upon by the eye of man”, reveals the “ultimate value of
the individual as such, a value not justified by mere human qualities.”
Von le fort continues,
“The virgin proclaims that the creature has significance, but only as a glow
from the eternal radiance of the Creator. [She] stands at the margin of the
mysteries of all that is apparently wasted and unfulfilled…she stands at the
brink of all that has seemingly failed. Her inviolability, which, if it be
purity, always includes a depth of pain, denotes the sacrifice that is the
price for the insight into the immortal value of the person. This explains why
the liturgy always places the virgin beside the martyr, who bears witness to
the absolute value of the soul.”
But here it is important
to make a clear distinction: the virgin is exalted with the martyr because both
proclaim the “ultimate value of the individual as such.” But we must remember that martyrs are not
tragic figures even though they suffer greatly. Likewise, the virgin is also
not a tragic figure, though her very existence will always include the “depth
of pain” von le Fort mentions. Thus, while the virgin herself may not be a
tragic figure she stands on the “margins” and “brink” of tragedy. She witnesses
the tragedy and suffers the depth of pain in her heart, but it is never her
virginity that is tragic.
What, then, is the
tragedy?
I believe that the true
tragedy of our age is not a multitude of single Catholic women but rather a
generation of spiritually dead "Catholic" men.
Now, I am speaking in
broad generalities here. It would be ignorant (and a bit bitter) to claim that
there are no good young men striving for holiness that are willing to ask women
out (even though it may sometimes feel this way!). But, on the whole, we are
experiencing an age where men are leaving the Church in droves, and the vast
majority of those that remain are only engaged minimally (for more information
and statistics supporting these claims please check out The New EMANgelization
website found here). Now, I don’t know about you, but these are not the
types of men that the typical novena-saying, TOB-reading, and chastely-living
woman typically finds attractive. Not to mention, this woman is typically not
viewed as being very attractive (at least by a worldly standard) to the average
minimally engaged “Catholic” man. And herein lies the tragedy.
After WWI the tragedy for
Gertrude von le Fort was not that a generation of women would have to remain
unmarried virgins; it was that a generation of men had perished on the field of
battle. This was the true tragedy.
Yes, as a single Catholic
woman I often feel deep within my heart the loss of a generation of true men.
But the question I must ask myself is "For whose sake am I feeling this
loss? For my own or for these men?"
Because in a tragedy, it
is not those left standing onstage at the end of a play that are considered
"tragic"; it is those who have perished during the play, either due
to circumstance or their own misguided actions. Likewise, the tragic characters
of our generation are the men, and as the survivors left standing we should be
struck by how unnecessary and truly tragic their spiritual death has
been.
So I implore you, pray
for this generation of men and offer up your sufferings for them. The Catholic
Church has always taught that our prayers for the dead are efficacious. So too
are our prayers for the "spiritually dead."
And here's the other
thing about being a Christian: tragic stories are always given
"comedic" ends. In a plot twist that no one saw coming, a Man who had
suffered a terrible death and lain in a tomb for three days burst forth to new
life. Just as in comedy, the story ends with a joyful wedding and celebratory
feast, with the Divine Bridegroom wedding his human Church and offering his own
Flesh to be the food at the table.
Just because there is a
tragic generation of spiritually dead men doesn't mean that this is how the
story ends. The dead can come back to life through the divine power, love, and
mercy of God.
Think of the example of
Lazarus. Jesus raised this dead man back to life. But remind yourself why. It
was because Martha ran eagerly out to Jesus to beg for his intervention. She
knew that if anyone could raise Lazarus from the dead it was Christ, not
herself. And yet, even though the power was from God, it was begged for by a
human woman. And God heard the cry of the grieving woman, wept himself for the
tragic loss she brought before Him, and answered her prayer.
Ladies, this is what we
are to do. I have heard St. Martha described as a patroness of Hope because of
how she responded to the tragic death of Lazarus. Like her, we too are called
to be women of Hope even when facing the tragedy of the spiritual death of our
generation of men. You, as a woman, cannot save them; but God can, and he wants
you to beg him to do so with sweat and tears and eager longings.
God told St. Catherine of
Siena that her tears and eager desire for the salvation of souls could bind Him
like a chain. This is the power God gives us as women. Use it! The Enemy wants
you to take the pain and loss you feel in your heart and wallow in your own
self-pity, becoming consumed in a view of yourself as a tragic figure. Don't
allow the Evil One to have this power over you! Rather, have pity on your
brothers and bring the tragedy of their spiritual death before God with eager
desires for their conversion and resurrection. God has promised to have mercy
on the human race despite its sin and imperfection. Remind Him of his promise.
Do you want to be women of strength and power? Embrace the strength and power God
has given you! He has given us strength to suffer and power to petition Him. So
accept your sufferings and lay them at his feet, petitioning Him for the
salvation you wish your brothers to have.
St. Catherine was the
quintessential "single Catholic woman", unmarried yet not a
religious. Did she wallow in self-pity at the "tragedy" of her
virginity? No! She had souls to save, recognizing that the true tragedy of her
age was a generation of spiritually dead priests, bishops, cardinals and popes.
So she prayed, and fasted, and offered her sufferings to God for their sake.
And you know what? He listened to her and answered her prayers. Men condemned
to die for the grave crimes they had committed converted at the last hour and
entered the Kingdom of Heaven because of her witness and prayer. Be that woman
like St. Catherine.
I said earlier that the
blood of a virgin was believed by the pagans to be powerful enough to save an
entire civilization. Likewise, the sufferings of the Catholic virgin also have
the power to save her entire generation when she brings her petitions to the
Lord and unites her sufferings with the sufferings of Christ on the
cross.
Having told you this I
end with only one question: What are you waiting for?
*************************
Alyssa is a Junior studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.
