Feminine Strength of Character: What The Media Thinks That Means and Why That's Not The Case

Dear sisters,

My blog post from last week really got me thinking about movies and their ability to convey truth (if you missed last week’s post you can read it here).

And because I really like movies, I thought I’d write another blog post about them, especially some movies that have come out in the past several years that had a female protagonist.

There is a trend to make movies with “strong female characters” especially ones that young girls will likely go see. Look no farther than some of the mainstream movies Disney has put out in the past few years that have a female protagonist. Whether it’s Brave, Frozen, Alice in Wonderland, or Maleficent, Disney is working really hard to prove to the world that they think women can do more than just sit around and wait to be saved by a man.

And I don’t really have a problem with females that possess strength of character being portrayed in movies. I think film needs these women and I think women need to see these roles portrayed in film.

Not Kristoff's finest moment

I take issue though, not when strong women are presented, but when they are presented without strong men to accompany them. The male characters in these movies are usually little more than caricatured stereotypes. You have the ridiculous father (King Fergus, Brave), the guy that’s using you (Prince Hans, Frozen), the guy that already used you and then left you (King Stefan, Maleficent), the anti-social loner with no real friends (Kristoff, Frozen), the empty-headed pretty boy (Prince Phillip, Maleficent), and the crazy guy who is probably on drugs (Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland). And I haven’t even mentioned Merida’s suitors from Brave (no wonder she doesn’t want to marry them!)

Meanwhile, what are the women in these movies doing? Rejecting marriage proposals, exercising their supernatural powers, leading armies, ruling kingdoms, shooting arrows, and all-around kicking the intellectual butts of the men in the movie with them.

Like I said, I don’t really take issue with women doing these sorts of things. After all, these are actions taken by some of the women in films that I really LOVE. Think about it: Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) rejected Mr. Collins’ marriage proposal, Galadriel (The Lord of the Rings) is influential in the struggle against evil, Joan of Arc (Joan of Arc) led the French army to victory in battle, Queen Victoria (The Young Victoria) ascended the throne as a teenager, Susan (The Chronicles of Narnia) is a pretty straight shooter, and Hermione Granger (Harry Potter) is just plain awesome.

But again I ask, what were the men in the previously mentioned movies like Brave, Frozen, Maleficent, and Alice in Wonderland doing? Mimicking the voice of a teenage girl, picking their noses, using women to ruthlessly pursue power, and having tea parties.

Great. Glad to see the “equality of the sexes” really being portrayed there.

I guess the thing that bothers me most about the way these movies are set up is that they seem to imply that women can only possess a good, strong character when the men around them are petty, backstabbing, stupid, or weak.

In other words, these movies are sending the message that girls can only be strong if men are “torn down”. It fundamentally puts women in competition with men but beyond that seems to imply that in a direct competition with men, women would lose every time.

But ladies, here’s the truth of the matter: When men are men it doesn’t threaten you because you're not a man. You're a woman.

Men are not our competition; they are our complement.

I love movies where the men and women are equally strong, intelligent, and flawed because sometimes women need men to straighten them out and sometimes men need women to do the same for them. God made us so that our weaknesses are men’s strengths and their weaknesses are our strengths. We’re a team that is interdependent.

So it’s really beautiful when you see movies where the male and female characters are each treated with the same amount of dignity and development. The radiance of the female characters seems to shine even brighter when they are around equally brilliant male characters and vice versa.

Because here’s the thing: when we are truly confident in our femininity we won’t be threatened by men’s masculinity. I don’t feel threatened as a woman when I see men in movies rushing into battle or playing to win that championship game. A man of strong character doesn’t stand in the way of me being a woman of strong character. In fact, a man of strong character inspires me to improve my own character. After all, we are here to help get each other to Heaven!

So if you ever want to be a better woman of God, go read the life of a male saint. I read a biography of St. Isaac Jogues this semester for a class and I’m convinced he is one of the most masculine men to ever walk the face of this earth (and keep in mind this is a celibate Jesuit priest we’re talking about!) As one of the North American martyrs he willingly assented to months of torture and slavery for the opportunity to evangelize the native people and potentially save their souls. Even after he escaped from this situation he went back out of love for his God and these people.

There is something so attractively masculine about men like St. Isaac Jogues that have the holiness and courage to stand up and be true men despite the prevailing message of the culture. And it’s their authentic masculinity that really calls me on to live a life of more authentic femininity.

So I’m not ashamed to admit that the movies most likely to make me cry are ones like “Rudy,” “Braveheart,” “Gladiator,” “The Lord of the Rings,” “Saving Private Ryan,” “Remember the Titans,” etc.

In many ways these movies portray an authentic masculinity that is in the heart of every man and which has the ability to move the heart of every woman. Why? Because we need authentic men in our lives.

We need authentic men that are courageous enough to pursue the vocation the Lord is calling them to. Not only do we need men to step up and accept the call to be our husbands, we also need men to step up and accept the call to be our priests. As women we cannot provide ourselves with the sacraments; it is something that we are entirely reliant upon men for. In this sense, there’s no such thing as a truly “independent” woman.

Recently the Lord has impressed upon me the importance of praying specifically for the men in my life. It’s easy to take their presence for granted but in reality so much of who we are depends on them and their authentic living out of God’s call.

My request for each of you this week is to pray every day for the men in your life: your brothers, your father, your professors, your priests, and your male friends. If you say a Rosary for your future spouse, offer it also for the men discerning or in formation now that will someday be your priests. Pray for the discernment of the men on campus. Pray for their purity, courage, and strength. Offer up your struggles for them and then watch how praying for them brings you into a deeper understanding of your own femininity.

Ladies, there are women in movies who fight battles with magical powers, bows and arrows, and sharp tongues. But there are also women in real life who fight battles with prayer.

The question you need to ask yourself is which war you want to wage: the one where fighting ends lives or the one that gives lives a fighting chance.

In the Fire of His Love,

Alyssa

Instaurare Omnia in Christo

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Alyssa is a sophomore studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.

"The Path Between Who We Think We Are and Who We Can Be"

Dear sisters,

Last week in my blog post I talked about the sin of acedia and that it is the refusal to be oneself.

(If you missed out on last week’s blog post, I would invite you to read it here first)

I’d like to expand a little this week on exactly what it means as a Christian woman to be oneself. I said last week that acedia is really the refusal to be who God created you to be. But who is that? Who did God create you to be? Essentially, what is your God-given identity?

One of my absolute favorite Bible verses is 1 John 3:1-3 and I think it’s really relevant in beginning to answer this question. It says:

“See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. Everyone who has this hope based on Him makes himself pure as He is pure.”

Now, there’s a lot in that verse, and I won’t be able to unpack it all in this post, but it’s important to read it so that you have some context.

The main point that we need to take away right now from this verse is that we are God’s children and as women, we are God’s daughters.

Stop. Re-read that if you need to. We are God’s daughters. And you want to know why we are God’s daughters? Because he loves us. It says it, right there, in the Bible: “See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are.”

Ladies, you better believe it. At your baptism God adopted you into his family. Need more proof? The Bible gives it to you in Galatians 4:6-7.

“As proof that you are children, God sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying out, ‘Abba, Father!’ So you are no longer a slave but a child, and if a child then also an heir, through God.”

 Ladies, here’s the awesome thing about being God’s daughters: God is a King. In fact, He’s the King. And if we’re His daughters (the daughters of a king), guess what that makes us? Princesses.

Yes, “Shut up” indeed. We are princesses in the Kingdom of Heaven!

There’s a part in so many little girls that wants to be a princess. Perhaps that’s why I am so obsessed with the movie The Princess Diaries. In my childhood I secretly wanted (and still want) Julie Andrews to show up at my door one day and tell me that I am the princess of a small, European country.

But if anything, the Princess Diaries movies tell us that being a princess is not the easiest thing in the world. In fact, you could easily say that Mia’s life got way more difficult after she found out she was a princess. Why? Because that good news demanded a change from her. From now on Mia must “walk, talk, sit, stand…eat, dress, like a princess.” The way she presents herself with her clothing, speech, and actions must change from what is the cultural norm to reveal the fact that she’s a princess. She is now held to a much higher standard than she was before and a higher standard than the people around her.

As baptized Christians we share a similar struggle. When we hear the Good News that we are God’s children, making us heirs to the Kingdom of Heaven, this news should change us! We no longer have the excuse of ignorance. If we’re going to accept our identity as heirs to the kingdom of Heaven we also must accept the responsibilities that come along with it. We might have to change our external appearance to better reveal our Christian identity and dignity as daughters of God (Dare I say it, modesty, Ladies!). We will have to read certain books and study certain topics to be able to speak about matters important to our new-found role. And we have to act with the dignity befitting a Christian princess in every single action that we take. Every day (even bad ones).

It’s not surprising that we struggle with living out our true identity as a princess just as Mia did. The following clip is one of my favorites because of the extremely honest conversation Mia has with Joe at the end of it:

 The beautiful thing about the fact that we are God’s children is that we have freedom. We can choose whether or not we want to embrace and live out our identity as heirs to the Kingdom of Heaven just like Mia can choose whether or not she wants to accept her right to rule Genovia. But we cannot choose to not be God’s children. As Joe says to Mia, we can refuse the job but that doesn’t change the fact that we are princesses by birth. In other words, we are free to refuse to be ourselves but that refusal doesn’t change who we are.

Why do we run from the great things the Lord plans for us? Why do we prefer the mediocre existence we get from this world to the eternal fulfillment that comes in the next?

I think a lot of it has to do with fear. We’re afraid to be great.

This is why Mia planned to run away the night of the ball. She felt like she wasn’t good enough to be a princess. She was afraid of the unknown potential and possibilities that lay before her if she accepted her role as princess. She would instead prefer the safety and security of the ordinary life she already knew. Like she said, her expectations were just to pass 10th grade, not to run her own country!

So what brought her back? The words of her father.

It was her father that reminded Mia that “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

The question we must ask ourselves as Christians is whether or not we think union with God in Heaven is more important than our fear of living the life of a saint. As Mia’s father wrote, she must travel the road between who she thinks she is and who she can be, and the important part is “simply, simply trying” to walk that path. Thankfully, Mia chose the greatness of her identity rather than the smallness of her fear.

There is a Christian virtue that I like to refer to as the “forgotten” virtue because it never seems to get mentioned. Yet it is this virtue that counteracts the vice of acedia, which is oftentimes the “forgotten sin.” This is the virtue of Magnanimity.

Magnanimity is nothing more than the aspiration of the spirit to great things. It looks like pride, but it is really the “yes” that we give to God’s desire that we should be like Him. Eve’s sin was not “wanting to be like God” because God wants us to be like Him. Eve’s sin was rather “wanting to be like God” without God. Magnanimity is Mary’s “yes,” not Eve’s “no.” It is the opposite of acedia because instead of refusing the call God gives us to greatness, we accept it.

So be magnanimous and go to the ball to claim your God-given identity! Don't settle for just "passing 10th grade" (or your next midterm)!

And remember that ultimately Mia couldn’t get to the ball completely by herself even after choosing to go because her car broke down. She chose her identity as a princess and went for it, but right after that choice came a moment that we might call a “crisis of faith.” She jumped, and for a moment, it seemed as if she was going to fall.

But then, out of the darkness, comes Joe to her rescue. It may be the words of her father that turn Mia towards her destiny but it is Joe that drives her there.

Remember that while it is necessary to work with God in our salvation by choosing to live the life of a saint, it is not our actions that save us. Rather, we get to Heaven by no other way than the Way Himself.  

In the Fire of His Love,

Alyssa

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Alyssa is a sophomore studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.

Rest for the Weary: Choosing to Be Ourselves Amidst the Busyness

Dear sisters,

I’m not sure about you but at this point in the semester I’m tired. This week especially has been one where I feel like I can’t get off the “strugglebus” no matter what I do. In fact, on Tuesday morning I think I could go so far as to say that I was riding the “hot mess express” when I was full-out weeping (snot and all) and it wasn’t even 8am yet.

This may just be wishful thinking on my part, but I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only passenger on the “strugglebus” or the “hot mess express” right now which is why I felt compelled to address this topic this week.

I know that this weird combination of emotion and stress inside me can be summed up in one word: weariness. Ladies, I’m tired and nothing I do seems to be able to give me rest.

This weariness is apparently written all over my face because people keep asking me, “Are you alright?” to which I reply, “I’m fine. I’m just really busy right now.”

Busy. We’re all busy. We’ve got stuff to do, places to go, and people to meet with. Many of us even like to be busy. We feel accomplished because we’re doing all of this stuff. The world even tells us that being busy is what it takes to succeed in life. Just look at the word “business” and how close it is to “busyness.” The dominant message the world sends is that you are what you do. Your worth, as a person, comes from your work.

Now if you’re a typical Franciscan student you look at that statement and go: whoa, that’s wrong, Catholics don’t believe that crazy stuff! But that doesn’t mean that we don’t fall for it, either.

You see, we tend to think that as long as the things we do are good “Franny” things, we can’t possibly be falling for the lie that our worth comes from what we do. After all, the busyness we have comes from that fact that we picked up an extra theology class this semester, are leading a mission team, attend all of our household commitments, are covering a friend’s holy hour at the Port, and are still managing to get to daily mass. #AmIRight?

Even doing all of these objectively good things makes us feel weary and crave rest. Yet rest is the one thing that seems to elude me. To put it simply, both my body and my soul are restless.

It is important now to make a distinction. Restlessness can be thought of in two senses, neither of which is incorrect. The first is expressed by St. Augustine when he famously wrote, “Lord, our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” There is a very real sense that our hearts will always be in a state of restlessness until we get to Heaven because our hearts were made for God and will not be satisfied until we are united with Him. In this sense, restlessness is a positive good that can bring us closer to the Lord.

The second sense of restlessness is much more negative and it is the one we associate with weariness. In fact, it is caught up in a very deadly sin. Of the seven “deadly” sins, (lust, greed, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and acedia) Acedia is one that does not seem to get the attention it demands. You probably have heard acedia translated as sloth but this does very little justice to acedia because we tend to associate sloth with laziness.

Now surely the Franciscan student that is weary and restless because they have many ministries, commitments, and devotionals is not suffering from the sin of sloth (acedia)?

But they are.

You see, acedia is not so much the refusal to do something. This is laziness. Rather, acedia is the refusal to be something. Specifically, it is the refusal to be oneself.  When one is caught in the sin of acedia they often feel restless.

So why do we feel restless when we become busy? I think it goes beyond just “not getting enough rest.” I think the sin of acedia seeps in when I become busy because the first things I tend to drop when I’m busy are the things that are most connected with my identity as a person. I consider these to be things like prayer, sleep, exercise, healthy food, time spent outdoors, time with friends, phone calls home, or moments of creation (i.e. drawing, writing, crocheting, crafting, etc. pretty much anything where I take time to personally connect with beauty).

This is what was happening with me this past week. I was spending so much time in the “intellectual la-la land” of studying and homework that I became disconnected from the world around me and from myself. And it was miserable. Why? Because I’m a part of this world and when I refuse to interact with it in any way I’m refusing to be myself!

So how can we choose to be ourselves? The simple answer is to choose to be who God created us to be. Below I have listed some ideas for what this may look like practically:

Go to Confession. Seriously. When we walk out of Confession we are as pure and holy as Adam and Eve were before the Fall. THIS is who God created you to be. This is who you are. All that sin that you carry around is just a shell. It’s not you. So stop refusing to be yourself and go to Confession!

Take time for personal prayer. This is not Mass. This is not household commitment. This is not a Rosary, a guided mediation, or spiritual reading. This is you talking with Jesus, one-on-one candidly about stuff. You are a personal being so be yourself and speak person-to-person with the Lord. I find it helpful to pray out loud to ensure that I’m not mentally dozing. It is also important to listen to the Lord after you have shared your heart with Him, so it might be helpful at this time to read Scripture or another spiritual book. (A Note: I’m not saying Mass, household commitments, the Rosary, etc. are not good things. By all means, DO THESE THINGS. But also take time to share your thoughts with the Lord in a less formal way.)

Take time to go to Mass. It is crucial to connect with the Lord in a spiritual way through prayer but we are not just spiritual creatures! We are also material creatures and we need to connect with the Lord in material ways as well. There is no better way to do this than to receive the Eucharist and the other graces that go along with the Mass.

Connect with people. After the Eucharist and the other sacraments, interacting with others is the best way to connect with God because each person is made in God's image and likeness. Also, God created us to connect with other people because he made us social creatures. Hug people. Look into their eyes. Call your friends and family from home. The point is to reach out and let your being “touch” theirs in some way. Even if you are an introvert like me you need to be social to be a healthy, happy person!

Connect with real things. Get out of the library, out of your books, and off your laptop and go interact with creation in some way. This might mean eating an apple while sitting on the grass and watching a sunset. It might mean creating something new and beautiful through a craft or art. This might even mean doing laundry or cleaning your room. You are a material being and are part of creation so choose to embrace that aspect of yourself!

Critically self-assess. This one is difficult but so crucial. When we become overwhelmed with “stuff” the solution may not be as simple as rescheduling or spending more time taking care of ourselves. The truth is, if you find that there are literally not enough hours in the day to get everything done, something has to go. There are certain things that can’t go like class, Mass, prayer, meals, exercise, sleep, household commitments, and social “down” time. But there are some things that can. Write out everything you are involved with within a typical week (I’m talking ministries, class, sleeping, showers, social media. If you do it, write in down) Next, write out how many hours a week those things require in order to give them the time and attention they demand and in order to maintain your health and well-being. When you’re done with this add up all the hours and see how many it comes to. Just a hint, there are only 168 hours in a week. If your number far exceeds this, something has to go.

 

Remember, the Lord did not create you to just be a productive worker, even if the work you are doing is for Him. He doesn’t value you simply as a means to His end of evangelization, love, or ministry. He sees you as the end.

The Lord once said to St. Teresa of Avila, “I would create the universe again just to hear you say you love me.”

He says the same thing to you. He would create the universe again, stop time, and even die on a cross just to hear you say you loved Him. When this is the case can we really justify getting caught in our busyness and worldly “stuff” so much that we can’t stop for a few moments to say we love Him? Can we justify not choosing rest because we refuse to let Him rest in us?

The truth is we can’t justify it, but we can still choose it.

I invite you to choose to be yourself instead.

In the Fire of His Love,

Alyssa

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Alyssa is a sophomore studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.