Oh, Those Emotions!

It was orientation weekend, and I was heartbroken and homesick. But I didn’t want to show it. I tried my hardest to restrain my tears, hiding my homesickness behind a stoic face. When a fellow student in my small group asked how I was doing, I could restrain myself no longer and burst into tears. She hugged me, of course, and the other members of our small group gathered around me and tried to console me. I was so embarrassed, and wished I hadn’t broken down. Have any of you ever had similar feelings—wanting to hide your emotions and feeling embarrassed when you can’t? I do, all the time. I’m always trying to suppress my emotions. Even when praying in Adoration, if I feel about to cry, I try to repress my tears. Why?

On Saturday, at the BeLoved Event on campus, Katrina Zeno spoke about emotions, and integrating them with our intellect. Basing her presentation off Dr. Conrad Baars, she shared with us women that emotions are not morally bad; they are morally neutral. How we choose to act on our emotions is what carries the moral weight. So, for instance, feeling the emotion of hate is not a sin, but acting on that hate and hitting someone is wrong. We are to feel every emotion, but that does not mean that every emotion will be expressed or gratified. After we experience the emotion, we must use our reason (informed by Magisterial teaching and Scripture) to determine whether we can express the emotion or if we should redirect the emotion. Katrina mentioned that we should not suppress our emotions; doing so can cause problems, especially in our mental health.

This information struck me, because I suppress my emotions. As I reflected on emotions, I tried to determine why I suppress mine, and I realized I do it because they embarrass me, and because I have a misconception that if I cry in front of others, they will think I am weak. The strongest man in the world cried: Jesus wept when Lazarus died (John 11:35). Jesus experienced many emotions: He became angry with the money changers in the temple and drove them out (Luke 19:45-46); He rejoiced when His apostles returned from preaching (Luke 10:21).

Emotions are not bad; they are even good to feel. We need to allow ourselves to feel them, and then respond appropriately. I am just beginning to learn how to do this. Do any of you have suggestions as how to do so? I’ve been thinking maybe if after I experience an emotion and determine it is not one to act on, I can offer that feeling to God, as a sacrifice. What do you all think?

If any of you are interested, Katrina Zeno mentioned a book written by Dr. Baars: Feeling and Healing Your Emotions.

Thank you all for sharing your suggestions.

~Margaret