Twenty-one years of life, and it took me until this summer to realize I am a morning person. My immediate reaction was... “darn”. Being a morning person has implications - I now know that I genuinely enjoy getting up early - that I do my best thinking and reflections early in the morning - I also now feel obligated to get up early and utilize this “inspired time”. And I’m thankful for this because I really do have some of my most thoughtful moments in these early(-ish) hours. (I still like my sleep!)
One of these mornings I was sitting on my porch drinking my coffee, and I was just thinking about how beautiful mornings are: I love the colors of the grey light leading to the warm gold of the rising sun; the sounds of the birds singing and the leaves rustling as life lands and takes off; the feelings of the morning breeze and the dampness in the air from last nights dew.
In the stillness of the morning, one becomes aware of all these more subtle details and movements - our focus is much more concentrated because there are less distractions. We can sometimes become overwhelmed with all the busyness in life and miss the little things.
My all time favorite poem is by Emily Dickinson - Hope is the Thing With Feathers:
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
I imagine a small bird singing it’s soft, beautiful tune. In the morning it’s so still and quiet that the song is all you can hear - it takes your focus. I then imagine all of the distractions I have in life, and I picture that poor little bird singing in a city. There are people everywhere. Their heels click as they walk, their voices echo as they converse with each other or with someone on the other line of a phone call. They call for cabs. The car engines roar, breaks squeak, horns honk. Stores are opening: the sound of their metal gates rising, bells tolling, doors slamming, music playing, salesmen calling out the deals for the day ... and I think about that little bird trying to have his song of hope and encouragement heard in the midst of all this noise. Would we even notice he was there?
Likewise, in our souls, we need those times of stillness to really notice the details; to work on specific things in ourselves and become aware of what the Lord has to teach us, show us, and change in us. It is in the silence and the stillness of prayer that we can hear it. Do not smother his song, but take a moment to turn off the iPod, turn off the TV, shut the computer, cease pointless chatter. Silence yourselves and listen!
For me, this is the hardest part to prayer, and life in general. I am so focused on what I want to achieve and what I want to get out of life that I jump ahead of myself. I fear that if it doesn’t happen this very moment I’ll miss it and my dreams and desires will go unfulfilled. I have the hardest time just BEING, and I sometimes miss what He is trying to show me.
As I was mulling all these thoughts over (in the morning) I became aware of one other aspect of mornings - The emotions of expectation and anticipation are almost overwhelming! The entire morning is in anticipation of the rising sun - it does not remain unmoving! The stillness is not about remaining complacent, but rather it’s about focusing on the small details that will aid you in achieving God’s ultimate plan for you (which are our ultimate desires - because He’s so good and made us like that!). How easily these little things can be over-looked like the bird in the city. Sometimes those moments of development/growth can seem so long, and the future seem so unattainable, but the sun never fails to rise; not a single morning is ever disappointed. And when the sun does rise - it is one of the most beautiful views of all creation.
“O my God, my only hope, I have placed all my trust in You, and I know I shall not be disappointed.” - St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in my Soul 317
Yes, that is a typical response I get when I tell people where I’m going on a Monday night for my Women’s Ministry meeting. To be completely honest, I’ve looked in the mirror and responded the same way to the reflection staring back at me: YOU are on Women’s Ministry?! I HATE the color pink, I fall asleep during Gilmore Girls, and I cannot stand having my finger nails painted so why would I ever want to be on team that fosters and promotes femininity? The simple answer is because femininity doesn’t mean you have to be super-duper girly and plaster your walls with posters of pink unicorns (if your dorm room does look like that, I don’t mean to offend you. I applaud you because that is so awesome…but that’s just not my style). True femininity is so much deeper.
If you had asked me a year ago if I wanted to be on Women’s Ministry, I would have probably (rudely) laughed in your face—I wear snapbacks, white V-necks and Nike running shorts as an outfit out. I never thought that I would be on this ministry. I never thought I would love femininity and everything that goes with that Truth.
Sooooooo….what happened? How did I switch from making fun of it to being on core team?
God.
God happened.
Last fall, I found myself in a bit of an identity crisis. I didn’t know who I was, what I was, or what I was worth (or if I was worth anything). I had just gone through a break-up and I wasn’t dealing with it the best. I actually wasn’t dealing with it at all. I had become so accustomed to numbness being the only emotion I felt when anything fell apart in my life. I had always believed that if you can’t feel anything, you can’t be hurt. I basically just had this giant wall up around my heart where nothing could get in and hurt me, but also nothing could get out. Around September, applications for a retreat called Capture My Heart were out, and I just knew I had to go. [I secretly actually wanted to go but was too afraid to tell anyone.] I applied and was accepted. I remember the day of departure for the retreat, I was FREAKING OUT and almost backed out but I had already paid for it; so to avoid wasting the money, I figured I’d just go.
I wish I could tell you everything that happened on that retreat so that you could more fully understand the radical feminine transformation I went through in just three days, but I want you all to go on the retreat and experience the mystery and conversion for yourself. Let’s just say the Lord wrecked my life in the most joyful way possible. I hate to use clichés but he absolutely captured my heart and I knew who I was, what I was, and what I was worth. (What’s interesting is that the answer to those three questions is all in scripture.)
Who I am: “I am my beloved’s and His desire is for me”-Song of Songs 7:10
What I am: “You are all beautiful my beloved, and there is no flaw in you.”-Song of Songs 4:7
My worth: “God so loved the world that he sent his only Son, so that [you] who believe in him might not perish but might have eternal life”-John 3:16
But back to the original question of the switch and why I am on Women’s Ministry:
The switch was that I found my identity in Christ as his beloved daughter and no one can take that from me—no harsh words, no biting rumor, not even the devil himself. Jesus’s feelings towards me—the love He has for me—doesn’t change. Whether we have heard these words a thousand times or never heard them at all, Jesus Christ died for you because you are worth it.
So, why I am on Women’s Ministry?
The world tells us that our worth and identity are defined by what we do, and femininity is synonymous with weakness. Well, both of these are bold face LIES.
Your identity is who you are, what you are, and what you are worth in Christ…and knowing who you are sounds like strength to me.
Knowing your identity, your true identity as a woman is the root of femininity. From there, it expands and grows and deepens so much (but that is for another blog).
I am on Women’s Ministry because I let the world tell me who I was and what I was worth for most of my life. I am on Women’s Ministry to fight that lie with the Truth…all while wearing my snapback, white V-neck, and Nike running shorts. I’m here to share my story. I’m here to serve and pray for each and every one of you on this campus. What’s awesome is that I’m not alone either. We have a whole team of ladies with their own unique stories and reasons for being on Women’s Ministry and are fighting for you. We’re all here for you. We’re all praying for you.
“Each of us is willed. Each of us is loved. Each of us is necessary.”—Pope Benedict XVI
"The nation doesn’t simply need what we have [or do]. It needs what we are."—St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (aka Edith Stein)
53% of 13-year-old American girls are unhappy with their bodies. 78% of 17 year old American girls don’t like the way they look.
When I (Clarissa, here!) first read that statistic, I almost cried. At the age of 13, already 1 out of every 2 young girls HATE THEIR BODIES. I’ll admit that at the age of 13 and heavily involved in the world of dance, I was one of them.
As a society, we have promoted this. We continue to perpetuate the myth that all beautiful women are stick thin, have big lips, big breasts, long, shiny, perfectly coiffed hair, a golden tan, and teeth whiter than snow. Sure, a few women fit that mold, but let’s be honest. The majority of us are, well, normal. But I don’t want this to be a “let’s all hate society, move to the back country, and become Amish” post, because I think society can also have a positive impact too. What I really want to focus on is a story.
I read an article a while back about a model who was telling the honest truth about her profession: that most of the time, it sucks. They had a video of her giving a talk (to watch the full video, click here) in which she describes how to get the perfect “walking look”, much like this one here.
"You put this arm forward, and this arm back, head at three-quarters and jump, looking back at your imaginary friends." She demonstrates, and then proceeds to say that you could do this upwards of 500 times to get just the right shot.
I’ll admit, I’ve seen those pictures and thought “wow…these models are just so glamorous, and all they’re doing is walking”! But when I heard her say that she does it over and over again 500 times…that was a reality check. You see, the pictures that we are inundated with in magazines and on billboards and the internet, these aren’t real. In her own words, the model says this:
"These pictures are not pictures of me, they're constructions. They're constructions by professionals — hairstylists, make up artists, photographers stylists and all of their assistants and pre-production and post-production and they build this. That's not me."
If you need further proof that these pictures are extremely edited, check out this article.
I wish that I could let all women know this. To shout it from the rooftops and educate each and every person on how unrealistic our expectations are for ourselves. Why do we let society tell us what it means to be “beautiful”, when those who are “beautiful” are the most miserable? Cameron Russell says it herself:
“I am insecure. I’m insecure because I have to think about what I look like every day. If you ever are wondering, ‘If I have thinner thighs and shinier hair will I be happier?’ then you just need to meet a group of models because they have the thinnest thighs and the shiniest hair and the coolest clothes and they’re the most physically insecure women on the planet.”
Now I don’t consider myself the most confident woman to ever walk the earth, but I find that it takes a great deal more courage to embrace who God created you to be rather than to give into the cookie-cutter idea of what makes a woman desirable. The fact of the matter is, our culture will constantly be telling us conflicting ideas of what it means to be attractive. 50 years ago, skinny was considered ugly and curvy girls were all the rage. But a beautiful woman is one who understands that she was created in the image and likeness of God the Creator, and therefore that she is perfect in her imperfections.
To be women in the world, we must be consumed by this knowledge. To know that we in fact are beautiful, even on those days when we wake up and our hair is matted and we’ve put on a few pounds. Those days when we try on everything in our closets because we don’t feel good in anything. THESE are the days in which we have to allow the Lord to whisper into our hearts and gently remind us that we possess a force greater than we can even imagine.
Happy Summer Ladies! I am currently enjoying a lovely vacation visiting my family in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (where I am from) and it has been wonderful! I hope you all have had some time to spend with family and friends or in exciting places while you've been out of classes!
So while I have been on said vacation I noticed that this video has been floating around the interwebz, but I didn't take the time to sit and watch it until just the other night. A guy friend of mine recommended it to me. He convinced me to take the time to watch it with these powerful words: "...someone showed me this video on modesty and it is baller. You would love it."
He used the word "baller" regarding a talk about modesty, so of course I had to watch it.
Come to find out, this woman's name is Jessica Rey, and she was a Power Ranger (the "white" one), among many other roles as an actress. She has her own swimsuit line (which she'll talk about in the video), and seeing as it is currently swimsuit season, this video is especially relevant to us all right now.
I hope you ladies find this video as informative, persuasive, and baller as I did. ;)
Hi Ladies!
Welp, summer vacation has officially started and that means we won't be posting blogs for a while except maybe a few here and there. But before we sign off for a few months, I wanted to leave you with this great article about emotional chastity. Emotional chastity is a phrase that comes up a lot but few understand what it is or how to begin to practice it as a virtue. I thought this article was enlightening (as well as funny!) Again, it is another great article from the LifeTeen website (if you haven't yet checked that website out you should...it's summer break...you have some extra time on your hands, right?)
One day, a handsome, mysterious stranger walked into the shop where I work and I gave him a job. I had no idea where he had come from or how he found me, but we needed the help and he was willing to work. Over time, despite many obstacles, we fell in love – but then he was discovered with a photograph of me that I had given to my brother to protect him during his military service and my trust in him was shattered.
. . . Wait, no, that’s the plot of The Lucky One, and I’ve never met Zac Efron.
Or how about the time I went to the carnival, and met a handsome young man for whom I immediately fell head-over-heels in love. But he didn’t come from money, and my parents disapproved. So they separated us, and even though he wrote me 365 letters, I never received them. Then I fell in love with a soldier, and agreed to marry him. But before I wedding, I ran into that first love again, and had to make the gut-wrenching decision on whether or not go through with my wedding.
. . . Shoot, wrong again! That’s The Notebook. I’ve never been engaged. And I certainly wouldn’t ever struggle with choosing between Ryan Gosling and anyone else.
Once more try: there was this guy, a dear friend of mine, and while I always claimed to be “just friends,” we were actually both secretly in love with one another. But no one had the courage to do anything about it, so we carried on as “friends” until one of us fell in love with someone else and the poor friend left behind began struggling to pick up the broken pieces of his or her heart off the floor.
What movie is that? It doesn’t matter. I hate that movie . . . but I hate it more when it happens in real life. To protect us all from such a fate, I think we could stand to have a little more emotional chastity in our lives.
Emotional what-now?
Chastity is a virtue – a habit of good – about self-mastery and freedom. We all have sexual drive and desire, but by living the virtue of chastity, we don’t let those desires control us. We control them, by respecting our sexuality and saving sex for marriage.
But even though sex is physical (duh), chastity is about so much more than that. Because we aren’t just bodies – we are bodies, hearts, minds, and souls, and chastity is about purity in all of those areas. Emotional chastity is about guarding the purity of our hearts and minds . . . which can sometimes be just as challenging as guarding the purity of our bodies.
So what does that look like?
1. Rooted in Reality
I have seen my fair share of chick flicks – in fact, I think I’ve seen most people’s fair share of them. And even though the plots are ridiculous and the lines are cheesy, I totally love them. But I know better than to expect those kind of plot twists to happen in real life.
Because that guy you’re dating? His name is Nicholas Smith, not Nicholas Sparks . . . and unless you made him watch it, he’s never seen that movie. He’s not going to act like Zac, or Ryan, or Channing. And that girl you just asked out? She’s probably seen all of those movies – but that doesn’t mean you need to act like Zac, or Ryan, or Channing (sidenote: if you don’t know who those dudes are . . . good for you, bro).
Watch all the rom-coms you want. But don’t let your imagination take over your real-life relationships, because that can be dangerous for your heart. Emotional chastity asks the question: “What is the reality of this relationship?”
That means treating your opposite-sex friends like friends, not like placeholders for your emotional needs until a “real” relationship comes along. It also means treating the person you’re crushing on like a friend, not your imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. It means treating the person you’re dating like the person you’re dating – not comparing them to characters in movies or to other relationships.
And it means treating your spouse – and only once he or she becomes your spouse – like the person that you are committed to fully, but don’t expect to fulfill you. If you get married one day, you are going to marry an imperfect human being, and it would be emotionally unhealthy to expect that person to take care of all your needs. Our hearts will always be restless unless they rest in God.
2. Friends Without Benefits
Some have interpreted emotional chastity to mean that we can no longer be friends with members of the opposite sex, since everyone knows men and women can’t be really be just friends anyway, right? Wrong. Opposite-sex friendships are a really good thing – we have a lot to learn from each other, as brothers and sisters in Christ, and there are gifts that opposite-sex friends bring to our lives that same-sex friends sometimes can’t (my guy friends make me laugh over stupid movie lines and can sit silently in front of a sporting event with me, and my girl friends . . . have seen that Nicholas Sparks movie).
Learning how to be authentic friends with a member of the opposite sex is a valuable life skill – because, let’s face it: if you marry someone one day, you’re only marrying some one. And if you’d like to be an emotionally healthy adult one day (I know I would), you will need to know how to be friends with others outside of your marriage.
So how does an authentic friendship work? Nerd alert: the ancient Greeks had a bunch of words for different kinds of love. And before they knew about agape (the life-giving love of God), their highest form of love wasn’t eros (romantic love), but phileo – friendship love. Friendship love was the best love because it meant never using another person.
Emotional chastity helps our friendships look more like that – we look to give to our friends, not to get. So make sure that the texts you send and the time you hang out is about simply sharing the joys of friendship, not about easing an aching of loneliness. And watch the flirting with your opposite-sex friends: it may seem harmless enough, but if they have any feelings for you, it will cause them a lot of pain.
3. Practice Makes Perfect
In no way do I claim to have it all figured out. I had my first crush at age 6 (Kyle, from my brother’s t-ball team . . . what a cutie), my first boyfriend at 16 (and that lasted three and half years), and now, at 26, I’m still learning a lot about love and life. But I do know that the sooner we start living the virtue of chastity – physically and emotionally – the easier it will be to live it for the rest of our lives.
I was going to marry my high school boyfriend (wouldn’t have dated him for so long if I didn’t think it wasn’t going somewhere), but now that we aren’t together, I am so glad that there are some parts of me I didn’t give away to him – and I’m not just talking about my body, but about my heart and mind and soul, too.
Emotional chastity is important at any age – and to live it well as an adult, start living it well now, as a teenager. The reality is that you have a loooooong time until you’ll be ready to settle down, into whatever vocation, but no matter what the future holds, chastity will bring you freedom. So start living it now, and live it for the rest of your life.
Because you never know what the future might hold . . . and if Zac or Ryan ever come calling, I want to make sure my heart, mind, and soul are in the right place.
Hermione Granger is the kind of friend I want to have.
That girl would go to the ends of the earth for her friends … and she did. She’s brilliant, fun and witty while dealing with bushy hair and oversized teeth. I can’t help but admire her. Plus, as a mud-blood she mastered time-turning, obliviation, polyjuice potion, the Protean Charm, apparating, a Patronus, wingardium leviosa, and lots of other impressive words I can’t pronounce.
Hands down, she rocks. It’s even cooler when the “real–life” person who plays a character is worthy of mention as well.
Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione, has always interested me. She’s absolutely charming – and she looks gorgeous with or without hair. So when I saw a quote from her about modesty I instantly wanted to read it. Here’s what she said in an interview back in 2009:
“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me – dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.”
Wow. Rings true with what I wrote about last year in a blog about modesty, doesn’t it?
So … um … Emma, what happened? What changed? Why didn’t you stick to what you believed so passionately a couple years ago?
Have you seen any of Emma’s recent photos from the red carpet or modeling shoots? Let’s just say the world isn’t “wondering” anymore. My guess is that Emma may have changed her opinion about being sexy to conform to what the rest of Hollywood says.
But losing your modesty doesn’t happen over night. It happens kind of easily, doesn’t it? To let our standards down little by little. One day we can decide to wear something that’s a little too tight. Then … well … what’s the big deal if I pull this top a little lower? Or buy a skirt a little shorter than usual. Pretty soon those little decisions pile up and what we once believed whole-heartedly has been forgotten like a boy-band you loved in grade school.
We have to be vigilant. We have to be on guard to not let the world sway what we know is true. Don’t let the crowd tell you that skin = sexy, and that’s the only way to be beautiful. Emma was right about what she said. It’s too bad she couldn’t stick to it for longer.
You and I can’t turn the time back and live our day over twice like Hermione did. But we can stand our ground and make the right decisions the first time around, whether that’s about modesty, dignity or if we want to chop all our hair off. It’s up to you.
One of these mornings I was sitting on my porch drinking my coffee, and I was just thinking about how beautiful mornings are: I love the colors of the grey light leading to the warm gold of the rising sun; the sounds of the birds singing and the leaves rustling as life lands and takes off; the feelings of the morning breeze and the dampness in the air from last nights dew. 
