Christmas Day is quickly approaching and hopefully we’ve all been preparing for its arrival in various capacities. As Catholics, the Church gives us the whole season of Advent as a time of very specific preparation for the coming of Christ, and this is great. After all, Christ’s Incarnation is a tremendous gift to us and we need to be preparing to receive Him with gratitude into our hearts and giving God thanks as a result. (A hint: this is why it’s so important to go to mass at Christmas. In the mass we celebrate the Eucharist which literally means “thanksgiving” and we are thanking God specifically for His presence in our lives)
But the point of this blog post is not to help you prepare to thank God for the gift of Christ in your life. No, this blog post is a bit more secular (but no less important) because it’s intention is to help you prepare for receiving and giving thanks for all of the other gifts you’ll be receiving at this time of year. This is because practicing receptivity and gratitude with one another helps us practice receptivity and gratitude with God.
Just like it’s important to pray to specifically thank God for the gifts He has given us, it is also important to do something else to specifically thank others for the gifts they give us: write thank-you notes.
Now I realize that handwritten thank-you notes (and handwritten notes in general) are considered a bit of a “lost art” these days, but the truth of the matter is that even if writing thank-you notes isn’t done, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done. It should.
Margaret Shepherd in her book The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication says that, “when you have been given a gift, a handwritten note is the only way to communicate your feelings of…gratitude. You don’t have to do more than send your words on paper, but you must not do less. You deserve that black cloud over your head when you don’t write, because your silence has made someone think you don’t care.”
Those words may seem a bit harsh, but compare it to neglecting to thank God in prayer: He still knows that you love Him and are thankful for the blessings He has given you, but the fact that He knows you are grateful does not excuse you from expressing your gratitude to Him in prayer. It’s the same with thank-you notes. Yes, Aunt Marge may know that you are thankful for the new catechism she bought you, but you still need to express your thanks in a handwritten letter too which you either hand-deliver or send in the mail.
All of this being said, it can sometimes be intimidating to even think about sending out thank-you notes to everyone who will give you a gift this Christmas, but just like we have time to prepare for Christ’s coming, we still have time to prepare for the writing of thank-you notes. To help you with the process I’ve included some tips below, some from the experts and a few I have learned myself over the years that makes the process easier and dare-I-say-it, even enjoyable.
Prep Early
You know Christmas is coming. You know you’ll be getting gifts (maybe you already have). This also means that you know you will be writing thank-you notes. Do yourself a favor and prepare for this now! Before Christmas even arrives treat yourself to some nice stationary or thank-you cards. You don’t need to spend a million dollars but if you find some nice paper and buy a “special” pen for the occasion you might actually look forward to writing thank-you notes.
Handwrite Your Notes
This should go without saying, but thank-you notes should be handwritten, in ink, by you. Not typed. Not scratched out with a pencil. Not filled into a blank space. Buy stationary paper or thank-you cards that arecompletely blank on the inside. Why is this important? Margaret Shepherd says, “A handwritten note is like dining by candlelight instead of flicking on the lights, like making a gift instead of ordering a product, like taking a walk instead of driving.” A handwritten note has heightened appeal, it’s unique, it can be treasured for a lifetime, it is virus-free, and it offers your attention without immediately demanding theirs. In short, it shows you care about the person who cared enough about you to give you a gift.
Don’t Make Excuses
There are a million excuses for not writing a thank-you note, but none of them are good ones. Here are a few common examples and truths you can use to fight them:
“I’m too Busy” — The truth is that everyone is busy. One of my household sisters shared a reflection this past semester about the Widow’s Mite in which she said that the widow is more admirable in the eyes of Jesus because unlike the others she gave from her poverty, not her excess. What we often lack most in our world is time, so when we give of our time, it is one of the greatest gifts we can give. The person who gave us a gift gave us more than a gift, they gave us their time as well. We can give them five minutes to thank them for it.
“My Handwriting is Terrible” — Almost everyone can find fault in their own handwriting, but that’s probably because it’s your own. The person receiving your letter probably won’t think twice about it because they are not as critical as you are of yourself. In addition, they will probably be so overjoyed to receive a handwritten letter that they will excuse a lot. My brother has some of the most difficult handwriting to read that I have ever come across, but I will struggle through reading it because handwritten notes from him are a rare and precious gift.
“I Don’t Know What to Say” — That’s OK. “Thank you” is a good place to start, and if you keep reading there will be a few more specific pointers to help you out.
“I Already Thanked Them in Person” — Good. Nice people thank people when they get gifts from them, but you still need to send a handwritten note. Margaret Shepherd says, “A verbal thank-you can get lost in the chaos of the occasion. A note lets the giver know for sure that you really appreciate their efforts…If you open twenty presents in front of twenty friends, each person has received only five percent of your attention. With a handwritten thank-you note, each person will feel one hundred five percent thanked and a few of them will be one hundred percent pleasantly surprised.”
Don’t Delay
This is the thing I have found most helpful over the years when it comes to writing thank-you notes. The prompter you are in writing your thank-you notes, the easier it is. I try and write them the same day that I receive a gift. It’s the easiest way. This is why it’s so important to have the necessary supplies before you ever unwrap a gift. The longer you put it off, the more it will hang over your head, the bigger the task will seem, and the guiltier you will feel. Thanking people should never be a penance. If you go to a Christmas party and get a gift, write the thank-you note for it as soon as you get home (including putting it in an envelope and addressing it). I have a rule that I don’t un-box a gift or put it away until I’ve written a thank-you note.
Follow This Simple Formula
Write the date — This is something I often forget, but it’s so wonderful when you look back at an old letter or card you’ve received and it’s dated. It makes it more real because it anchors the note to a specific moment in time that a person was thinking specifically about you.
Salutation — This is simple: “Dear Grandma” or “Dear Janie” is usually just fine. When in doubt, address someone as you would address them in person (You typically don’t use your friend’s first and last name when you greet them so you don’t need to include their last name in your salutation)
Opening — Express your sincere thanks in a short and concise sentence. Be sure to mention the specific gift they gave you (I.e. “You were so nice to give me Scott Hahn’s newest book” NOT “Thanks for the gift”)
Talk About It — Follow your statement of thanks with a brief sentence talking about how you have used or will use the gift. Or mention your love of this specific item. (I.e. “I know I will enjoy reading this book as Scott Hahn is one of my favorite authors”)
Windup Phrase — With a thank-you note this is usually something like “Thank you again” but it can also be something like “I hope to see you soon” or “I will be praying for you this Christmas season.”
Closing — Picking the right valediction requires a bit of prudence to know what’s appropriate for the person you are righting to. “Sincerely” is more formal. “Fondly”, “Yours” and “Love” are for those you have a closer relationship with. I’m a fan of “In Christ” but this could cause unnecessary tension if sent to a non-believer, so use your best judgment.
Signature — It’s your name, simple enough. Usually your first name is sufficient for those you are close to, but a more formal relationship (like the one with your boss) may require your first and last name.
Find The Joy
I said it earlier but expressing your gratitude in a thank-you note should not be a penitential action. While you should send thank-you notes, and the rules of common decency require it, do not view it as an obligation. Margaret Shepherd says, “Expressing gratitude is not an obligation; in fact, it is one of the most intense pleasures you can have.”
This may seem like a selfish motivation, but writing thank-you notes will make you feel good because you know it’s the right thing to do. There’s also something wonderful about filling a blank white card with the love you have for another person in your own words and in your own handwriting. It just feels so personal, like a gift of yourself to another person in appreciation for the gift they have given you.
So start preparing now, while it’s still Advent, to have a heart ready to receive and be thankful this Christmas season. Buy a couple of cards, write a few kind words of gratitude in them after you unwrap the present, and seal the envelope (maybe with a kiss!) I challenge you to this small act of love this Christmas season. Who knows, you might really brighten someone’s day.
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Alyssa is a Junior studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.
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