His Gaze

I think all of us have probably experienced, at one point or another, being in the presence of another who, we feel, can “look right into our soul.”  They seem to be able to, in one glance, uncover and know what is going on within us…and depending on who that person is in relation to us, it could produce feelings from comfort and belonging to unease and fear.  

As I sat with this Sunday’s Scripture readings, this is what came to me.  This week’s Gospel account from Mark (http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/101115.cfm), the story of the rich young man, is one that I’m sure we’re all very familiar with, and can teach an infinite amount of lessons.  What I noticed this time, though, is that THREE times throughout the story, we’re told that Jesus looks at someone.  The first time, His gaze is directed toward the young man who desires to inherit eternal life; twice after that, Jesus looks at His disciples before addressing them.  And it made me stop and think, what would this gaze look like?  Do I stop long enough to remember that I am always in His gaze?  What do I see, and “hear,” from finding myself in His gaze?  After sitting with these questions, I came away with a few random musings, which I share here. 

First, in considering His gaze at the young man: Jesus looks at him, loves him, and then speaks to him.  Do I let myself be confronted by this truth before I speak to the Lord, or before I open myself to hearing Him?  St. Ignatius of Loyola, as he instructs us in coming before the Lord for a time of prayer, counsels us to first “raise [our] mind and think how God our Lord is looking at [us].”  This step is so simple, but so important!  Before we can receive anything or speak anything back to the Lord, it’s crucial to remember who it is that is that we’re addressing….and that before anything else, He is looking on us with LOVE. 

Once I do this, and let myself rest in the truth of who is gazing upon me (LOVE Himself), and how He is gazing upon me (with LOVE), then I’m able to more fruitfully receive whatever it is He might want to speak to me.  And to look back at this particular example of the young man: Our Lord gives him a difficult message!  “Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing….”  Jesus loved him enough to tell him where he was lacking – to tell him where he needed conversion so as to be able to be the person Jesus knew he could be.  Sometimes it’s hard to receive a word of truth from the Lord!  But if we remember that it’s coming from Love Himself, it can help make something that might be bitter to receive, a bit lighter and sweeter.  And Christ, when He challenges us, always does so with LOVE.  His voice is convicting, not condemning; inviting, not accusing.  That gaze is penetrating, and can convict us of areas of sin, always with a voice of love, mercy, and compassion.   A voice that does not have these things is not the Lord’s voice.  (side note: this is why it can be helpful to talk to a spiritual director, confessor, or trusted and mature friend when we’re having trouble discerning the Lord’s voice) 

Another thing about His gaze…it can be uncomfortable!  He knows everything about us, and this can be hard!  I’m going to use an illustration from a favorite story of mine, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  As many of you are probably familiar with, Aslan, the great Lion, is representative of Christ throughout the story.  In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, four children stumble into the magical world of Narnia, and encounter both good and evil as they battle on the side of Aslan to save the world.  I find the description of the children’s first encounter with Aslan similar to how sometimes I feel in the presence of the Lord!  

                  People who have not been in Narnia sometimes think that a thing cannot be good and terrible at the same time.  If the children had ever thought so, they were cured of it now.  For when they tried to look at Aslan’s face they just caught a glimpse of the golden mane and the great, royal, solemn, overwhelming eyes; and then they found they couldn’t look at him and went all trembly.

Yet once they come into His presence, and He greets them, all fear is gone:

                  His voice was deep and rich and somehow took the fidgets out of them.  They now felt glad and quiet and it didn’t seem awkward to them to stand and say nothing.

Jesus is so desirous of our coming to His presence, even if we feel like we have nothing to say, or aren’t prepared, or aren’t worthy.  He just wants us to come, as we are right now. 

A third thing about the gaze of Christ: at the end of the day, it’s the only one I need to worry about.  It can be so easy for us, especially as women, to fall into the comparison game – a game which we will never win.  While it’s good to always strive to do our best, and be good stewards of what the Lord has entrusted to us, it’s also good to balance that with the truth that we are created in His image to be us, not the person next to us.  This truth about our dignity can be easier to recall when we remember that when we are looking at Christ, nothing else matters; or maybe more accurately, everything matters as it should matter, in relation to HIM.  To use another example from Narnia: when one of the children, Edmund, finds himself in the presence of Aslan (who he’d betrayed), and the White Witch (who is accusing him of this wrong he’s committed), C.S. Lewis describes it to us in this way:

                  You have a traitor there, Aslan,” said the Witch….But Edmund had got past thinking about himself….He just went on looking at Aslan.  It didn’t seem to matter what the Witch said.

This can also be a helpful image for us in coming before the Lord…no sin or event from our past (or present!) is enough to make the Lord stop looking at us with love.  He desires us to approach in confidence, and to hear the truth about ourselves from Him, and Him alone.  It can be a temptation to let our sins and imperfections hinder us from approaching Him, and this is the last thing He wants! 

So as we continue the journey through this semester, ladies, I encourage you to take a few moments throughout your day to encounter the Lord, and let Him encounter you, just as you are.  His gaze, though thoroughly penetrating, is always first and foremost a gaze of love.  He looks at each of you and says, “behold, you are VERY good.”  May this truth be for us a battle cry each day as we strive to live in this truth and the abundant life that Christ came to give us, His beloved ones.

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Sr. Anna Rose is our fearless leader here at Women's Ministry. She graduated from Franciscan with a degree in History and Theology before entering the Franciscan Sisters TOR of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother. She's in her second year of temporary vows, and her story can be found here. Sr. Anna Rose leads our Women's Ministry team with such patience and love. If you see her around campus, be sure to give her a big hug! And as always, please pray for her.