"Love Demands the Perfecting of the Beloved"

Dear sisters,

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but we are only human. And as humans sometimes we mess up…really really badly. For me this usually happens by saying something uncharitable or saying something in an uncharitable way to another person.

But sometimes in our life we are fortunate enough to have people tell us when we really mess up. These are the people that call us out and tell us “Badly done.”

I can’t help but think of Jane Austen’s book Emma, when Mr. Knightly calls Emma out for being very rude to another lady.

Certainly receiving such an honest reprimand is not fun for anyone. In fact, sometimes we can be very hurt when another calls us out, especially because the person that usually does it is very close to us and we value their opinion of us.

One has to notice that it is only those who are really close to us that will call us out when we do wrong. It is often only a parent or a very dear friend that will risk it. It is also only a very good parent or friend who loves you enough as a person to correct you so that you can be the best possible version of yourself.

As C.S. Lewis eloquently puts it in his book The Problem of Pain, “Love, in its own nature, demands the perfecting of the beloved….Love may, indeed, love the beloved when her beauty is lost: but not because it is lost.”

Who loves us more than God? He is the good friend or parent that constantly calls us out when we fail to live up to the greatness we were created for. We hear His voice through our conscience’s tug on our heart.

God corrects us when we’re out of line. He does so not because he is a bad parent (in the sense that “good parents have children that never misbehave”) or because he does not love us. In fact, God disciplines his children precisely because he loves them. In this sense, God is the best of parents.

Paul reminds us in his letter to the Hebrews, “For whomever the Lord loves, he chastises. And every son whom he accepts, he scourges. Persevere in discipline. God presents you to himself as sons. But what son is there, whom his father does not correct? But if you are without that discipline in which all have become sharers, then you are of adultery, and you are not sons.” (Hebrews 12:6-8)

This does not mean that receiving correction is ever an easy thing, even when it comes from God. In fact, being disciplined can hurt so much that we, the child, might turn away from our Father and never come back.

The point is that God as the loving parent disciplines anyway. Parents would be irresponsible if they did not speak truth to their children. The hard part is that sometimes speaking that truth means telling the child that what they’re doing is wrong.

There are many cases where upon hearing this news the child turns away and cuts off any relationship with their parent. The good parent, knowing this is a very real possibility due to their child’s free will, proceeds with speaking that truth anyway.

When it comes to our faith, this is a scenario that has played out repeatedly throughout history. As human people, we (the members of the Church) stray from truth. It’s not usually done maliciously. In fact, it’s usually done with the best of intentions. However, this does not relieve our Father and his bride the Church (who is our mother) from pointing out and attempting to correct the error of their children’s ways.

It is because the Church is a truly loving and good mother that she points out when her children have strayed. Her intention is never to cause a divide. A mother never wishes to see her family become broken but she knows this is a very real possibility.

In these cases she takes Christ as a model. When Jesus was speaking to the crowd (among whom were many Jewish scholars) about his identity as the Bread of Life and that the bread that he will give for the life of the world is his flesh, the Jewish people murmured among themselves (John 6). Many said this was a hard teaching, one they could not believe, and so they walked away. Jesus at this moment did not say, “Come back!” and then amend or “soften” his teaching. He watched them go. He LET them go. Was it hard to see his children reject the truth he was trying to share with them? I’m sure it was.

But the point is that Jesus didn’t let that hurt, or even the POSSIBILITY of that hurt, prevent him from loving his children. Because he loved his children he shared the Truth with them.

Because God is a loving Father he gives us standards by which we are to live our lives. The Church, as Christ’s loving bride and our mother, cooperates with her husband in enforcing these standards even if it means their children may run away. Does it pain them every second that their child is away? Yes. But that doesn’t mean that they go back on their discipline or force their child to stay against their will.

Does this mean that when her children come back broken and sinful that the Church turns them away? Never. She rejoices with her husband that their prodigal children have come home. She cleans them off and invites them in to the feast. Yes, she insists that they clean their hands before the feast and she holds firm on that command, but she never will force her child to wash his hands and attend the banquet if that is not the place where the child wants to be.

It is important to remember that the Church demands much from us precisely because she loves us. These words often sound hollow when we hear them because we know that we fall short and are often content to stay that way. We often ask, “Why can’t the Church be content with me the way I am right now? Why does she demand that I constantly seek a deeper holiness, a deeper charity, a deeper conversion?”

C.S. Lewis answers this question when he continues that, “To ask that God’s love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to be God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impeded and repelled by certain stains in our present character, and because He already loves us He must labour to make us lovable. We cannot even wish, in our better moments, that He could reconcile Himself to our present impurities…What we would here and now call our ‘happiness’ is not the end God chiefly has in view: but when we are such as He can love without impediment, we shall in fact be happy.”

Sisters, continue to fight the good fight. At this point in the semester we may ask “What’s the point? Why should I even try to do a good job on this paper/test?” We are being called on to greatness by our professors, advisers, and priests. This call towards correction and conversion may make us want to turn away.

But hold on.

They are calling you on out of love. Have enough faith in that love to continue to hope for mercy and rest.

In the Fire of His Love,

Alyssa
Instaurare Omnia in Christo

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Alyssa is a sophomore studying Humanities and Catholic Culture, Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.