I Read Her Diary

I Read Her Diary

I couldn’t help myself.

It was just sitting there out in the open, and I was curious.

So I picked it up and read it.

I finally read the Diary of St. Faustina.

I had this idea in the back of my mind the diary would just be a little spiritual supplement reading and I would walk away from it thinking, “well wasn’t that cute! Aw she loves Jesus so much!”

I was wrong.

It took over my life and opened my eyes to a whole new reality of Christ.

I first picked up the book in the last two weeks of my semester in Austria (shout-out to Austria Fall 2012!). I had experienced profound changes in my spiritual life and in my relationships with the saints and Our Lady by this time, but this book pushed me into Christ’s arms. I devoured it and read the whole thing within a few days (during finals week I might add).

I’ve condensed some of the main things I gleaned from St. Faustina’s diary down to some blog posts. I encourage you to read the diary yourself if you haven’t already (and rereading it is always excellent) and let the words sink in. Maybe have a sort of book club/discussion group and hear what impacts other women. Almost a full year later, it still thrills my heart. I hope this beautiful saint’s diary will lead you closer to Christ and allow you to experience His Love in a deeper and more profound way.

*Disclaimer*- These are my own reflections, I am no profound theologian and I do not pretend to be an expert in Divine Mercy or St. Faustina.

Let’s start at the beginning.

St. Faustina (then Helena Kowalska), wanted to enter the convent from the time she was seven years old. She felt in the deepest part of her heart that this was what she was called to. When she was eighteen, she asked her parents for permission to enter the convent.

They refused.

St. Faustina writes, “After this refusal, I turned myself over to the vain things of life, paying no attention to the call of grace, although my soul found no satisfaction in any of these things. The incessant call of grace caused me much anguish; I tried, however, to stifle it with amusements. Interiorly, I shunned God, turning with all my heart to creatures. However, God’s grace won out in my soul.” (8)

St. Faustina was out at a dance with her sister. Everyone else was having a great time, but her heart was heavy. As she was dancing, she suddenly saw Jesus at her side.

Not smiling-happy-Sunday-school-Jesus. He appeared to her as a crucified Christ, racked with pain and covered in wounds. He says to her, “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off?”

So that night she ran away from home and entered the convent.

This image struck me as much as His words did- How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off? Christ isn’t chilling out, happy as a clam, saying, “Oh it’s ok dear! You just keep doing your thing and I’ll be over here. Don’t want to get in your way.” Jesus is suffering, He is in agony waiting for her to join Him with her cross that will lead to sainthood. He has called to the heart and soul of Faustina.

There is work to be done.

It is easy and sometimes even enjoyable to brainstorm ideas to grow closer to God. How often do we begin with enthusiasm for these new goals, only to gradually push them aside as soon as we have a big test to study for, or a crazy week at work? How often do we leave it as just a nice list of things to do? I am guilty of both situations. My most common line I tell myself is, “I’ll start that tomorrow.” But tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. And Christ wants you NOW!

If we say that heaven is our ultimate goal, then why do we so often bump prayer and sacrifice down our to-do list? If God has placed a vocation or particular sacrifice on your heart, go for it with everything you have. How can we give Him less when He has given us everything?

Each of us is a unique soul with a unique purpose in life. Not everyone can be the Secretary of Divine Mercy like St. Faustina. But she also can’t be what you are called to be.

If you ever find yourself in need of motivation to really start living for Christ, or continue when it seems undesirable, call to mind the image that was presented to St. Faustina- a wounded Christ, waiting for you to walk with Him. May we, like Faustina, immediately leave our lives of procrastination behind and run to follow Him.

There is work to be done.