Dear sisters,
Last week in my blog post I talked about “falling down” and
“falling in love” and this got me thinking about both of those experiences in
my own life.
(If you missed out on last week’s blog post you can check it
out here)
In my reflection on these two experiences I began to think
about my dad. Not only is he the first man I have fallen in love with, he is
also the man that has been there every time that I “fall down.” When this
happens he has picked me up; told me that I am beautiful, lovable, and smart;
and told me that he is there to help me get where I need to go.
He has taken it as his responsibility to teach me the skills
that I need to know to get me from where I am now to where I want to be in the
future. I have fond memories of my dad teaching me how to read, how to ride a
bike, and how to drive (including parallel-parking a long-bed pickup truck!).
But one of the memories that is very clearly etched in my
mind is when my father taught me how to catch
a ball. While this may seem like one
of the most “unfeminine” things my father has taught me how to do (with maybe
the exception of skeet shooting) it is the thing that has taught me the most
about who I am as a woman. Why? Because it has taught me the importance of having
“soft hands.”
If you play a sport that requires you to catch a ball, you
have probably heard this phrase before, but for the sake of everyone else, I’ll
give a short explanation.
When someone throws you a ball it’s really important that
you don’t try to “jab” at the ball mid-flight. You have to wait for the ball
to come to you. Then once you have it, you must bring the ball into yourself. This is what is
meant by having soft hands.
So what does catching a ball with soft hands have to do with
femininity? Everything.
Women's Receptivity
One of our characteristics as women is our natural receptivity. There’s a certain “space”
within us set aside to be open to and to receive the love of another. God
reveals this truth to us in our sexuality because women are naturally receptive
to the love and life given them by their husband in the marital embrace. Women
are also more naturally open to and receptive of the love of God (that’s why it seems like there are
always more women at church than men!)
Women’s receptivity is so powerful that God used it at
the most pivotal moment in time: Jesus’ Incarnation in
Mary’s womb. It was Mary’s receptivity
and openness to God’s love that literally brought Jesus into the world.
Satan’s Attack on Women’s Receptivity
This is why it is so important for Satan that he attack
women’s receptivity. He knows what happens when women are receptive to the love
of God. Jesus enters the world, and that is the last thing he wants.
Satan uses modern culture to twist women’s understanding of
their receptivity, and because he is the Prince of Lies, he tells us lies about our receptivity. Perhaps the
biggest and most dangerous lie that Satan tells us about our receptivity is
that it is passive and weak.
Modernity puts forth the notion of the damsel in distress
just sitting around and waiting for the prince to come save her. The “damsel in
distress” notion is what the culture wants
you to think of when you hear that the Church says women are receptive because the
culture wants you to think that receptivity is passive and weak and that
the Church wants women to be passive and weak. Not surprisingly, this “passive and
weak receptivity” is often rejected by women because it is not an attractive
option.
The culture offers us only one alternative to this passive
and weak receptivity: the complete rejection of our receptivity in favor of an
aggressive activity. As Fr. Dominic Foster once said, the culture tells women
that they must either “seduce” or “produce”. These are very “active” notions
that prey on our sense of pride.
Going back to our analogy of catching a ball, the equivalent
of “seducing” or “producing” would be beyond just “jabbing” at the ball in the
air; it would actually be more like charging the person who was throwing the
ball at you. If catching the ball (which represents love) is what we are trying
to accomplish, tackling the person trying to throw that ball to you seems a bit counter-intuitive.
Are There Only Two Options?
Must we go along with the culture and accept that there are
only two possibilities: passive receptivity or aggressive activity?
It is clear that the Church doesn’t want women to
participate in an aggressive activity when it comes to “catching” love from
others. But does that mean that the Church expects women to be passive and
weak?
Let me answer this question by once again returning to our
analogy of catching the ball. If someone was trying to catch a ball but they
stood absolutely still and didn’t move at all (because that’s what passivity
is), how successful do you think they would be? I’m willing to bet that 10
times out of 10 they are not going to
catch that ball.
What does this mean? Put simply, it means that there’s no such thing as a passive
receptivity. Receptivity, by its very nature, cannot be passive.
Active Receptivity = “Soft Hands”
It stands to reason that if receptivity cannot truly be
passive then it must, by its very nature, be active. Satan’s lie that our receptivity
is a passive thing turns out to be just that: a lie.
So what does it look like to be “actively receptive”?
Perhaps we should look again at the woman whose receptivity worked to actively
revolutionize the world.
In his encyclical letter, Redemptoris Mater (Mother of the
Redeemer), St. Pope John Paul II began his introduction by speaking of Mary’s
receptivity to the Lord in her Fiat. He then says in the very next paragraph
that, “I wish to begin my reflection on the role of Mary in the mystery of
Christ and on her active and exemplary presence in the life of the
Church” (emphasis added).
This wise saint begins his encyclical on Mary by immediately
mentioning that her receptivity was active
and that this is an example that all of the Church (especially women!) should
follow.
Now, I’m not saying my dad is as theologically savvy as St.
Pope John Paul II, but I am saying that he taught me this reality of active
receptivity long before I could even spell “Redemptoris Mater” because he
taught me what it means to have soft hands.
Having soft hands means that you hold your hands out wide
and expectantly wait for someone to give you the gift of their love. It
means that you keep your eyes firmly fixed on the Love being thrown to you,
because this Love is Jesus Himself. It means watching the arch that this Love
makes through the air and moving your body so that you are in the best possible
position to receive that Love. And it means bringing that love into your heart
and into the very center of your being as soon as you have a grasp on it. If we do all of these things, we are being truly active receivers.
In teaching me how to have soft hands, my father taught me not just what it
means to be a woman; he taught me what it means to be a woman loved by God.
In The Fire of His Love,
Alyssa
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Alyssa is a sophomore studying Humanities and Catholic Culture,
Theology, and Philosophy. She is a native of Texas where she lives with
her family in a blue-roofed house on top of a hill. She is passionate
about the Truth of the Lord's Incarnation and loves spending time
discovering and discussing ways in which others have incarnated the
Gospel in film, history, literature, politics, and art. Her favorite
saints are St. Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Siena because they
both personify St. John Paul II's "feminine genius" in her mind.
