Anyone who has an iPhone will understand my frustration when I go to type in the word "love" and end up with "live" instead. Yes, I definitely wanted to say "I live you", iPhone. Thanks for that. But as it keeps happening, I have started to realize that in actuality, the words are not that different.To love is to live, and to live is to love.
When we live according to how we were made, we live a life of love. Our very being exists as a self-gift to those around us. And likewise, when we love like this, we reach the fullness of what it means to be human. God created us (as women) to be a help-mate for man. The very essence of our being is only fulfilled when we are able to surrender ourselves over to the other as a sacrifice of love.
Those are big shoes to fill.
I've been thinking about this quite frequently the past couple weeks. It is a running theme in Blessed John Paul II's writings, this idea of self-gift. But what does it mean to give of yourself? Well, in the context of marriage we can see this being pretty obvious. And too, the very essence of religious life is that one has given oneself completely to the Lord. But what about those of us who are single? How do we live our lives as a gift to others, and to God?
Very carefully, as my ornery teenage self would say.
Last night I had a dream that I was on a railroad, walking with hundreds of other people. I didn't know where we were going or what was happening, but all of a sudden people were being tortured and killed. It was horrifying, and scary, and all I wanted to do was run away. But slowly I realized these were martyrs; these people around me were being killed because they were proclaiming the Gospel. I remember so vividly my desire to run away and escape the violence and fear that was surrounding me. But when I woke up I realized just what a gift that dream was, because it gives me so much insight into my own life. I think it's so easy for me to take the easy way out. I know I have a very hard time ever embracing, let alone desiring suffering. I like being comfortable. But comfort is not how we will get to Heaven.
Sometimes, we have to quit running. We have to learn how to remain where we are and endure what we're going through to be purified and strengthened. I know I've often prayed for God to allow me to become a martyr (that was without really knowing what I was praying, for sure). If we look at the lives of great saints who were martyrs (St. Ignatius of Antioch, St. Maximillian Kolbe, St. Maria Goretti, St. Joan of Arc, Blessed Miguel Pro, Blessed Jose Sanchez del Rio, just to name a few), we can clearly see they did not lead lives of comfort. Sometimes I tell myself that if I was called to be a martyr, God would give me the strength to get through it in that moment, which to some degree is true. But I also see it as a culmination of the suffering we have endured throughout our lives. In a sense, the suffering that we go through in our lives right now is preparing us for whatever God has in store for us later. For the martyrs, I'm sure they endured extensive suffering before they gave their lives over for good. This is where the idea of self gift comes into play. The more we live for others in every moment, saying yes to their needs and saying no to our own desires, the more we are inclined to recognize that our lives are not our own. We are given this gift to serve others, but most of all to serve God. That is where true freedom is found.
I'm not saying each of us is called to great suffering, or even called to martyrdom. But we also must recognize that it is a reality in the times we live in. In the world today, someone is martyred for their Christian faith every 5 minutes.* We must be prepared to live our lives not for ourselves, but for the God that created us. We must be prepared to give our lives as the ultimate self-gift, and to live and love radically.
*http://www.cesnur.org/2011/mi-cri-en.html
In Him,
Clarissa
